Chapter One Hundred Five

He moved off her and slid to the edge of the bed.  She watched him stalk to the bathroom and the near slam of the door had her wincing.  Shoving her hair back she sat up and dragged on her robe.  She couldn’t blame him for being upset with her.  For weeks she had been waffling back and forth.  Wear the condom.  Don’t wear the condom.  Whatever happens, happens.

 He was beyond frustrated.

 And she was too terrified to make a definite decision one way or the other.

She heard the bathroom door open and she watched him cross the room and step out onto the balcony.  She sighed and made her way into the bathroom.  She emptied her bladder and brushed her teeth before pulling on cropped sweats and a cami.  When she stepped back into the bedroom he was still on the balcony.  His shoulders were tense and frustration tightened his grip on the railing until his knuckles were white.  He was shirtless and his track pants rode low on his hips.  She stepped out behind him and laid her hand gently between his shoulder blades.  He stiffened at her touch and she pulled her hand away.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know” was his terse reply.  She was always sorry lately.  He was normally a very patient man.  But this whole baby situation had pushed him right up to the edge of his limit.  “You need to make a decision.”  He couldn’t keep doing this.  Getting his hopes up only for them to be dashed one night and raised up another, it was going to kill him.

“I know” she said quietly and she turned and left him on the balcony.  She made her way down to the kitchen and put water on for a cup of tea.  Not knowing what else to do, she did something she hadn't done since before she lost Mark.  She turned to food for comfort. She pulled out flour, sugar, vanilla and all the other ingredients she needed.  By the time the tea kettle whistled she had her batter nearly ready to go.  Leaving her tea to steep, she dumped a bag of chocolate chips into the bowl and pulled out two cookie sheets from the cupboard next to the stove.  

Richie followed the rich, sweet scent of fresh baked goods down the stairs and into the kitchen.  His eyes roamed to the counter where she was sitting with her mug and a plate of cookies.  An eyebrow raised as he moved to the cabinet to get a mug of his own.  “Cookies for breakfast?”  He set a pod of coffee in the Keurig, stuck the mug under it and hit the brew button.  He reached for a cookie.  They smelled too damned good to ignore and fuck, who could resist a fresh, warm chocolate chip cookie anyway?

He took his coffee and rounded the counter and perched on the stool next to her.  “What’s with the Betty Crocker routine?” 

She set her mug down and pushed the cookies away.  She was going to be sick if she ate anymore.  “I didn’t know what else to do.”

He sipped his coffee and his pinkie reached out to curl around hers where her hand lay on the counter.  “You could just try talking to me.”  Communication was key to any relationship and if she couldn’t or wouldn’t talk to him about this, what hope did they have of getting beyond it?

“You want me to make this huge decision and I want to, but I just can’t seem to make myself do it.”

“Why not?”  He thought he knew what her hesitation was, but he wanted to hear her say it. 

She tore her gaze from the countertop and looked at him.  He really seemed to not understand.  “I’m terrified, Rich” she practically whispered.

He drew his head up that wasn’t what he thought she was going to say.  He looked at her, really looked at her and finally saw the terror in her eyes.  “What has you so scared, Sweetheart?”

She swallowed down the lump that was forming in her throat.  “What if I get pregnant and I miscarry again?  I lost Ben to an unforeseen tragedy and then I lost our baby due to my own negligence.”  She still believed that the miscarriage was at least partly her fault.  “I’m not sure I could survive losing another one.”

He turned on his stool toward her and tugged her off of hers, pulling her into his arms, holding her close.  “I don’t want to go through that again either,” and it had been a million times worse for her “but you can’t think like that.”

She rested her head on his shoulder.  “I can’t help but think like that.”

“Sweetheart.”  When she didn’t look at him he gently nudged her with a shrug of his shoulder, “look at me.”

She reluctantly raised her head and looked at him.  “What?”

She looked so defeated he thought as her eyes finally met his.  Where was the strong woman he met a year ago?  “Do you want to have a baby with me?”

She nodded, “I do, but-”

He covered her mouth with his fingers, “no.  No ‘but’.  Do you want to have a baby with me?  Yes or no.”

She didn’t answer him right away.  She took a moment and really considered the huge undertaking that a baby would be.  Did she want to be pregnant again?  Yes, she thought.  She had loved being pregnant with Ben, loved the feeling of having a life growing inside her.  Did she want to go through the bottle and diaper stages again?  Middle of the night crying jags?  Potty training?  A smile started to curve one side of her mouth.  Yeah, she could deal with all of that again.  Was she willing to do it all herself when Richie was touring or even just across the country working with Jon?  Was she willing to take the risk of what might happen this time around?  She knew there were no guarantees but could her heart handle another blow if something should happen again? 

She blinked and looked up at Richie.  Hope shone brightly in those milk chocolate colored eyes of his.  He wanted this.  He wanted her to want this.  And looking at him, she realized she did want this.  She wanted to do this with him.  Her mouth curved the rest of the way into a hesitant smile.

“Yes” she managed to say around his fingers.

He pulled his hand from her mouth, “say that again, Sweetheart.”  He wanted to be sure he had heard her correctly.

Reaching up, she cupped his face in her palm, her thumb caressing over the stubble on his cheek.  “I said yes, Rich.  I want to have a baby with you.  No more questioning, no more hesitating.”

He turned his face and kissed her palm.  “I’m gonna get rid of the fucking rubbers.  Now.”

She couldn’t stop the chuckle.  “One track mind as always.”  Her expression sobered, “I can’t promise I won’t still be scared, but I do want to do this.”

He hauled her as close as the stool he was sitting on would allow.  “No need to be scared, Sweetheart.  Nothing is going to happen.  It’s all going to be good from here on out.”

She wished she could be as certain as he seemed to be, but she was going to do her level best not to think about all the bad that could happen.  She was tired of living in fear of the ‘what ifs’.  It was time to start thinking about all that good that Richie was talking about. 

“Rich?”  She pressed her lips to his in a gentle kiss.

“Mmmm,” he returned the sweet kiss.  “What?”

“Let’s go make a baby.”

Update

I know you've all been patiently waiting for the next chapter and yes, it is coming, I promise.  Things have just been a little crazy in my little corner of the world lately.

In the last two weeks I put over a thousand miles on my car.  We traveled to Cleveland to see our beloved Yankees take on the Cleveland Indians and then we spent a few days roaming the lovely City and yes, we visited the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame while we were there.  We had a fabulous time.  

One week and a thousand dollars in car repairs later (I was NOT happy about that) we trekked off to Pennsylvania to visit a prospective college for the little man.  I know, I know, if we're talking college he's not a little man anymore, but what can I say, I will forever call him that.  Oh, he love the campus and will be apply to said college in September once school starts.  I can hardly believe he will be a senior in high school in a few weeks.  *Sigh* really, where does the time go?

And just one short day after the trek to Pennsylvania, I flew off to NYC to visit with Joviswillow and T (T's Place T) for the weekend.  We had more fun - Coney Island, Sunset sail on the Hudson River, fantastic Italian food, a whole lot of walking and a ton of laughs.  Couldn't have asked for more, except maybe a smooth trip home.  But that's a story for another day.

Anyway, I'm back to work and getting caught up with the job that pays the bills and lets me have the fun I've been having.  As soon as I get the back log taken care of, I will get Rich and Stephanie back on track.  Hopefully next week I will have something to post for all of you.

Promise.

Thanks and I hope you are all enjoying your summer as much as I am.

:)

Chapter One Hundred Four

To:     The Girls

From: Q

Re:     Baby talk

First off let me just say, I am NOT pregnant.  *sigh*  Not anymore anyway.  I’ll explain…

I just thought I should let you all know what has been going on lately.  When Richie and I were in Europe, Portugal to be a little more exact, I apparently got pregnant.  No, we weren’t as careful as we should have been and no, I didn’t know I was pregnant.  Not until a few weeks ago, anyway, when I had a miscarriage in the bathroom.  I’m fine now, but for the first little bit, I wasn’t so sure I would be.  After Ben…But I have a good man and he helped me (we helped each other) get through those first few horrible days when I didn’t think I could handle the loss of another child. 

Long story short?  Richie and I are now trying to decide if we want to really try and have a baby.  He thinks he wants to, but me?  I’m not so sure.  I’m 42, nearly 43 years old.  Do I really want to put my body through that now?  Am I ready for bottles and diapers again?  Is he?

Not to mention the fact that Jon has been calling him, wanting to get together and start writing again.

If we do this, if it happens, I’m not doing it alone.  Not that I couldn’t, but if he’s going to be there for the fun part of making the baby, he’s gonna have to be there for the not so fun part of dirty diapers, midnight feedings and colic.  Right?

*sigh*

I guess I-we-have a lot to think/talk about before we’re anywhere near ready to make a decision on this.

Anyway, that’s what’s been happening out here.  Hope you and your families are all well.

And, seriously, COME VISIT ME!

LOL

Love you all,

Q

~

Babies.  She couldn’t seem to escape them lately.  Stephanie set her grocery sacks on the counter and pulled a water bottle from the refrigerator.  They had handed over the keys to the latest habitat house to the new family today.  Mom, Dad, a sweet toddler girl with sunny blonde hair that rivaled Shirley Temple’s for bouncy curls and big blue eyes that took in every little thing.  Her chubby-cheeked baby brother rested in the crook of his momma’s arm and had slept through the entire dedication. 

She took a long pull from the bottle in her hand.   Every mom in town must have been in the grocery store today when she stopped to pick up a few things for dinner.  Every cart she had seen had a child sitting in it or had a baby strapped into the seat. 

Setting the near empty bottle down, she unpacked her groceries and lined things up on the counter.  She had to stop thinking so much about babies.  And they needed to stop showing up everywhere she went.  She wasn’t going to be pressured into a decision.  And if she was this undecided, maybe the answer should be no.

She frowned and stowed the plastic bags under the sink.  Not a good attitude.  She just needed to set all this baby stuff aside and let it simmer in the back of her mind for a while.  They needed to get back into their normal, everyday routine and see how things went.  And, after getting a clean bill of health from the doctor the other day, that routine included some bedroom time with her man. 

She smirked and headed upstairs.  After a quick shower and change of clothes she went in search of her man.  She found him and Jon out at the table by the pool.  She stood in the doorway, watching the two of them at work.  Richie’s dark head was bent over his guitar and Jon scribbled something on the pad of paper before ripping the sheet off and crumpling it into a ball to add to the growing pile on the table.  After so many years of being a fan, it was fascinating to watch them work, to see their next possible hit being born. 

She also knew the minute Richie sensed her presence.  His fingers slowed on the strings and he raised his head, his eyes met hers and a smile curved his full lips.  He set the guitar aside and motioned her to come out and join them.

“I didn’t want to disturb you” she said as she came to stand next to Richie’s chair.  “I just wanted to let you know I was back.”

His arm crept around her waist and his hand caressed her hip.  “Not disturbing anything, Sweetheart.  We’re just noodling around.”  He fingered the shirt she was wearing “raiding my side of the closet again, I see.”

She couldn’t help but smile, the black button down was a favorite of hers and she made no excuses for it.  “You know I love this shirt.”

Richie tugged her over to sit on his lap.  Glancing down at her he caught a glimpse of lace and silk where the shirt gaped when she moved.  “Well you certainly fill it out better than I do.”

Jon looked up and set his pencil down on the pad of paper and smiled at the two of them.  It was nice to see them with smiles on their faces.  He’d been here for a few days and this was the first light-hearted moment he had witnessed between the two of them.  Sadness still lingered around Stephanie’s eyes and his friend wasn’t quite his usual jovial self, but they were getting there.  Slow and steady would go a long way toward them winning this race.  “How was the dedication?”  She had mentioned the habitat ceremony shortly after he had arrived.

Stephanie aimed her smile at Jon and shifted to move off Richie’s lap.  He held her fast, she wasn’t going anywhere.  “It was good.  It’s always a little bittersweet to hand the keys over to a deserving family.  But they were genuinely grateful for all the work that was put in to it.”   She thought again about the little girl and her baby brother and squirmed on Richie’s lap.
 

He tightened his grip, “what’s wrong?”

She sighed, “they had kids.  A girl maybe 3 years old and a baby boy that couldn’t have been more than six months.”  She wrapped her arm around Richie’s neck and rested her forehead against his temple.  “Everywhere I went today there were babies and toddlers.  It was a little disconcerting.”  She pressed her lips to Richie’s cheek in a quick peck.  “If you let me up I can go fix dinner.”  And she needed a minute to gather herself and clear her head.

Richie turned his head and his lips found hers in a reassuring kiss before letting her up.  “We could order in or go out somewhere if you’d rather.”

She stood and shook her head, “I stopped and picked some stuff up.  I hope you both like salmon.”

At their affirmative nods she turned to head back inside, “thirty minutes, give or take.”

Richie watched her leave before turning his attention back to his friend.  “What?”  He wasn’t sure what the look on his friend’s face was all about.

“Is she really okay?”

Richie picked up his guitar again, “yeah.  Or least she’s better than she was.  We’ve been talking about maybe trying to have a baby.  Actually working at it, you know.  Not just ‘oops, I’m pregnant’ but planning it out and everything.”

Jon’s eyebrows rose in surprise.  “You do realize you’re over 50 now, right?  You’ll be like 70-whatever come high school graduation.”

Richie flipped him off.  “Fuck you.  It don’t matter.  She hasn’t decided what she wants yet and I’m not pushing the matter.  If it happens, fine.  If it doesn’t fine, but that’ll be up to her.”  He strummed his guitar.  “You got anything worth anything over there?”

Jon picked up his pencil again, “not really.” He smirked, “maybe we should start on a baby-making song for the two of you?”

Richie chuckled and picked up one of the crumpled balls of paper that littered the table and threw it at his partner.  “Asshole.”

~

Richie pushed open their bedroom door, fully expecting to find Stephanie asleep.  She had disappeared when he and Jon had started talking business again.  He didn’t blame her. This part of the album making process wasn’t as exciting as it sounded. 

He pulled his shirt over his head as he crossed the room and nearly walked right into her as she was coming out of the bathroom.  Dropping his shirt he gripped her arms to steady her.  “Sorry Sweetheart.”

She found her legs and managed not to collapse into him.  “You shouldn’t walk and undress,” her fingers drifted over his chest.  “It isn’t safe for anyone.”  Her eyes lingered on his broad, tanned chest.  She loved his chest.

He chuckled and lifted her off her feet.  “I figured you’d be sleeping, not lurking around the bathroom.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.  “When nature calls you don’t ignore the ring.”

He laughed again and walked toward the bed, his hands caressing her bottom.  He stopped at the side of the bed.  His hands slid over the silky panties she wore under his shirt.  “Whatchya wearing under my shirt little girl?”

Her arms left his neck and her fingers hovered over one of the few buttons that was done up.  “You don’t wanna guess?”

His hands slid higher on her butt, his fingers encountering the keyhole and bow at the top of her ass.  His eyes darkened and he voice went husky.  “Tell me.”

She undid the buttons, “think Valentine’s Day.”  She shrugged out of the shirt, letting it fall to the floor.

Without a word he laid her back on the bed and loomed over her.  The creamy pink with deep burgundy lace was a particular favorite of his.  He trailed a finger down her chest, his touch butterfly light over the swell of her breasts.  “You know this is a particular favorite of mine.”

She nodded, “I do know that.”

His fingers slid lower, tracing the lacy edge of her panties.  “You sure about this?”  They hadn’t been intimate since before the miscarriage.  He hadn’t wanted to push her and she hadn’t seemed interested.  “Are you okay?”  His fingers continued their tortuously light caress across the line of her underwear.

She squirmed under his touch and her brows beetled in confusion.  “Oka-?”  Then she understood.  “Got the all clear from the doc.  We’re good to go.”

He dropped to his knees by the side of the bed, his fingers hooked into the side of her panties.  “As long as you’re sure…”

She nodded and he tugged her pretty underwear down her legs and spread her knees wide.  He licked his lips and nibbled his way up her inner thigh.  “I’ve missed you, darlin’.”

“I’ve missed you-oh-“ his tongue swept over her from the top of her slit to the bottom.  “Too” she managed when she could breathe again.

She writhed on the bed beneath him as he rediscovered every inch of her and drove her to near insanity with his mouth.  When he finally dragged himself off the floor she lay like a limp rag doll on the bed. 

“You still alive?”  He peeled his jeans off and crawled up on the bed next to her.

She moved her head in somewhat of a nod.  “I think, maybe.  Not sure.”  She found the energy to move and crawled over to straddle him.  “You’re way too good at that” she told him as she leaned down and stole a kiss from him.
 

Reaching behind her, practiced fingers unclasped her bra as he rolled them over again.  Letting go of her mouth, he rose to his knees and reached to the night table for a condom.

Moment of truth she thought as she watched him.  Did she make him wear it or not?  Her hand rose and circled his erection, he was so hard, so ready to give them both untold pleasure and, maybe create a new life.  Is this what she really wanted?  She stroked him lightly and looked up, finding his eyes steady on hers, the condom still tucked between his fingers. 

“It’s your call” he said hoarsely as she continued to stroke him.

Unconsciously she reached out and plucked the foil packet from his fingers and tossed it across the bed.  “Come here” she whispered as she tugged gently, directing him where she wanted him.

He didn’t question, he simply lowered himself over her and let her guide him.  They both shuddered when the broad, wet tip of his cock brushed over her and dipped into her.  

Finding her hand he tangled his fingers with hers as he slowly slid all the way inside of her.  “Fuck” he growled in her ear.  “So fucking good.”  He closed his eyes against the rush of pleasure.  She always felt so damn good around him.  He pumped his hips slowly, watching the tell-tale signs of her orgasm creep across her face and body.  When her breath hitched he pumped his hips faster, harder.  His lips slid down her face, to nip at her neck.  “Come on, darlin’” he murmured.  His release raced up his legs, gathering at the base of his spine.  He shifted his hips, the coarse hair at the base of his cock coming into contact with her clit.  She came apart with a hoarse sob and as she bore down on him he let go, pumping his hips erratically, spilling deep inside her.

Holding her close, he rolled to his side, still buried inside her.  Grappling with the blankets, he managed to get them both under the covers.  She shifted against him and he pressed his lips to her forehead.  “You’ve been awfully quiet, Sweetheart.  You okay?”

She nodded her head against his chest.  “Oh yeah.  Never better.”

He chuckled and ran his hand down her arm, pulling the blankets higher.  His fingers coming in contact with the still unopened condom.  Holding it up, he looked down at her.  “You sure about this?”  Last he knew they hadn’t come to a decision one way or the other on the great baby debate.

She opened her eyes to see what he was talking about and her eyes landed on the little foil packet in his hand.  “We said whatever happens, happens.  Right?”

He happily tossed the packet over the side of the bed. He’d get it later.  “That we did, baby, that we did.”

She settled back against him and closed her eyes.  With her track record in the baby-making department, she was sure she had nothing to worry about.