Chapter Forty-One

Sitting at the table across from Ava and next to Richie was all too familiar. This was how she Mark and Ben used to arrange themselves at the dinner table.     She picked up her fork and took a bite of the flaky fish.  Swallowing around the lump in her throat was nearly impossible.  Listening to Ava go on about her friends and the activities coming up on her calendar were just one more reminder of what she was missing out on.

Picking up her glass she sipped at the wine Richie had poured for her.  He always seemed to have her favorite on hand.

“Daddy, can you drop me at Kelly’s tomorrow instead of at mom’s?”

Stephanie glanced across the table, her heart clenching at the innocent question.  She was no one’s parent anymore.

“Why, and does your mother know?”  Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Stephanie’s expression and, like that one rainy afternoon in her kitchen, he reached out his pinky finger and wrapped it around hers.

Ava tucked her hair behind her ear and rolled her eyes.  “Yes mom knows.  Kelly and I have a project to finish for school.”

The near exasperation in her tone eased some of the pressure in Stephanie’s chest and nearly caused her to smile.  Apparently if you were a parent, rock star or not, you just didn’t get it.  She shook her head and set her glass back down.

“What?”  Richie had turned his attention from Ava to her and didn’t miss the amused expression on her face.

“Ben used to use that tone with us too.”  This time she did smile.  “Teenagers are all the same, no matter where you live, I guess.”

Richie smiled back.  “I guess.”  He glanced down at her plate.  “Is your dinner okay, you haven’t eaten much.”

Stephanie picked up her fork again, color rising on her cheeks.  “Everything’s great.”  She took another tiny bite of fish.  “I didn’t realize you were such a good cook.”

He shrugged, “I get by.”  He looked over to Ava, “right?”

“Yup” she agreed.  “He makes a mean marinara too.  Oh, but just watch out for his chili.  He likes it flamin’ hot and he puts too many beans in it.”

Stephanie chuckled.  “Thanks for the warning.  I’ll be sure to keep the fire extinguisher close by for the chili.”

Ava laughed and continued to chatter like a magpie, asking her all kinds of questions about Ben and Mark and about living in New York.   All the while Richie’s hand never left hers.  With that little bit of contact, her emotions evened out and she was able to eat her dinner and answer their questions.

“Did Ben like sports?”  Ava picked up the plates and headed toward the sink.  “I used to play soccer.  I cheerlead now.”

Stephanie nodded and opened the dishwasher.  “Baseball, basketball and football were his favorites.  He played baseball for his school and” she turned and looked pointedly at Richie.  “He played basketball for the CYO.”  She knew he would know what that was.  If she remembered right from watching Access All Areas, he mentioned playing at a CYO dance when he was interviewed during the New Jersey tour. 

Richie gave her a knowing wink.  “That’s a great youth organization.  I played a little myself.  Was Ben any good?”

They continued to clear the table and put the leftovers away as they talked.  “He did all right.  He was a little tentative but he had skills.  He was a good rebound guy.”  She finished her wine.  “Baseball was really his game though.”  She smiled sadly.  “He loved nothing more than going out in the back yard with Mark and having a catch or getting in a little batting practice.” 

Richie rubbed his hand lightly up and down her arm and refilled their wineglasses.  “What was his favorite team?”

“The New York Yankees.”  She sipped her wine.  “Robinson Cano was his favorite player.  He aspired to be just like him.”  Now she would never know if there was even the slightest chance he could have worn those famed pinstripes.

Between the three of them the dishes were done and the kitchen set to rights in no time.  Ava begged off to her room.  “I’m gonna go watch a movie.  It was nice to meet you, Stephanie.”

Stephanie found a smile for the girl.  She may look like her mother, but she was just as charming as her father.  “It was nice to meet you too.  I hope we get to see each other again soon.”  She watched as Ava turned and walked away, her long-legged stride much like that of her fathers.

“She’s lovely” Stephanie said to Richie as she sat down next to him on the couch.  “You’re doing a great job with her.”

Like the proud papa that he was, Richie puffed out his chest and grinned.  “Thanks.  It’s not easy, but then again, no one ever said raising a child would be.”

“No” she said as she set her glass on the end table, “no one ever did.”  She watched as he pressed a button on the remote to start the fireplace.  She stared into the blue-orange flames, her thoughts a million miles away.

Richie watched her.  He could see the shadows under her eyes and the frown lines around her mouth.  She had put on a brave face tonight for him and he was glad for it, but at what price?  Dredging up all those memories had to be killing her inside.  He reached out and fingered a lock of her hair.  He wished he could take all that hurt away.  “Sweetheart?”

Blinking slowly, she turned her head and looked at him, a hint of blush coloring her cheeks.  “Sorry, zoned out there for a minute.”

“Are you all right?”

His concern for her was written all over his face.  She shook her head slowly, upset with herself for making him worry about her.  He didn’t need this.  He was leaving in a few days to go back on tour.  He didn’t need to have her issues weighing on him.  She picked up his hand from where it rested on her arm and kissed the back of it.  “I should go” she said as she stood and nearly ran from the room. 

She had the door open and was digging for her keys when he caught her.  “Sweetheart” he stopped her with a hand over hers.  “Talk to me.”

She shook her head, she couldn’t.  “Please Rich. I just.. I need to go.”  Her fingers closed over her keys and she pulled away from him. 

He stood in the doorway and watched her drive off.  “What the hell just happened?”

~

Pulling off into the parking area she guided her car to an empty spot closes to the opening in the concrete barrier.  Leaving her shoes in the car she stepped onto the cool sand, spreading out her blanket in a pool of moonlight.  She watched the waves curl onto the sand and sweep back out into the endless ocean. 

Staring out into the night she finally let the tears that she had been holding back all evening come.  She wasn’t a mother anymore, she wasn’t a wife anymore.  With the two things that had defined her for so many years gone, what was left?  Who was she now? 

Wiping her face with the back of her hand she dug her phone out of her pocket.  Scrolling through her contacts she pressed the button for the one number she thought she was done calling.  When she got the familiar voice mail nearly hung up, but thinking of Richie she quickly changed her mind.

“Dr. Grace, it’s Stephanie.  I need to talk.  Please?”