Chapter Ninety-Four

Pushing her suitcase in ahead of her, she let the door go and as it closed behind her she dropped down onto the bed.  Another hotel bed.  Her shoulders sagged and her head fell forward.  Depression mixed with exhaustion had her flopping back, bouncing against the hard mattress.  Her arm covered her eyes.  What was she doing?

The plane ride from Portugal had been interminable.  The strain between her and Richie had increased tenfold when they had deplaned in Newark and she had gotten into a car to head toward Philadelphia and away from him.  Now, here she was in New York and he was on his way back to California. 

What was wrong with her?  Why couldn’t she just say yes like any normal person would have?  Why did she have to make things so difficult?

Rolling to her side she curled her legs up and stared out the window.  It shouldn’t be this hard to say, “yes Richie, I’d love to move in with you.”  But it was.  Pushing herself up, she stood and crossed to the window.  She couldn’t help but remember the last time she had been here, standing in this same spot and Richie had come up behind her, wrapped his arms around her and made her feel better with just a simple embrace and a few well-chosen words.   Now he was 3000 miles away and she’d have to fix this herself.

But how?

Sighing, she rubbed her gritty eyes.  Sleep had not been her friend on the ridiculously long flight from Lisbon.  Too much going on in her head to be able to rest.  She had sat up most of the flight, trying to read on her Kindle, listening to music, anything to try to distract herself from the war going on in her head. 

She turned from the window and stalked to her suitcase.  She needed a shower.  Maybe that would help her relax enough to get a couple hours of sleep.  She caught her reflection in the mirror over the dresser.  The bruises under her eyes were so dark it looked like she had been in another fight.  Her face was drawn and wan.  No way could she go see Mark’s parents looking like this.  Digging in her purse she found her phone.  There was one person she could see though.  One person who might be able to help her figure out what the hell she should do.

Scrolling through her contacts, she found the number she was looking for.   She pressed the phone icon and waited. 

“Hello?”

“Hi Jess, it’s me.  Are you home?”  Her sister would be able to help her figure out this mess she had made.  She hoped.

“Yep, I am.  Where are you?  Still in Europe?”  She had been more than a little jealous and a whole lot happy for her sister being able to travel like that.

Stephanie shook her head, “no, I’m here in town.  Can I come over?”

“Absolutely!  And why didn’t you let anyone know you were coming home?”

Stephanie rubbed her eyes again.  “It was as last minute decision and I just need to talk to you about something.”  She inhaled deeply.  “Please don’t let anyone else know I’m here, okay?”  The last thing she needed was her whole family knowing she was in town and having a meltdown. 

Sensing her sister’s distress, Jess tamped down the enthusiasm.  “Sure, I won’t say anything.  When will you be here?”

“I’m going to shower and change.  I should be there in a couple hours.”  She disconnected the call and grabbed her things.  The sooner she talked to her sister, the sooner she’d be able to breathe comfortably again.

~

Putting the car in park she stared at her sister’s house.  Nothing felt the same.  Nothing felt like it fit quite right.  She sighed and stepped out of the car.  Did she even belong here anymore?  She stopped halfway up the walk when her sister came to the door. 

“There you are.”  Jess came out the door and pulled Stephanie in for a hug.  “I was beginning to think I imagined that whole conversation and you weren’t really coming over.”

“Sorry” Stephanie muttered as she returned the embrace.  There was the familiarity she was looking for.  “It took longer than I expected to make myself presentable.  I just got in from Lisbon this morning.”

The girls headed into the house.  It was quiet for a summer Saturday afternoon.  “Where is everyone?”

Jess led her out to the deck where she had a bottle of Skinny Girl open and a plate of snacks waiting.  “The guys are working and Marissa is at a friend’s house.”  They settled in the cushy chairs and Jess took a sip of her drink.  “So, how’s Richie?  And how was Europe?”

Stephanie pushed her sunglasses up on her head before picking up her drink and taking a sip.  “Europe was unbelievable.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed it.”  Until one random phone call and one disastrous conversation with Richie and I ruined everything. 

Jess eyed her sister.  She looked awful.  If those shadows under her eyes were any darker, she have a beaut of a shiner.  “So why do you look like you’ve been pulled through the wringer sideways?”

Stephanie grimaced.  “That bad, really?”

Jess nodded, “if I didn’t know better, I’d swear someone punched you in both eyes.  When was the last time you slept?”

Stephanie shrugged.  “I don’t know.  The last few days are kind of a blur right now.”

“And you didn’t answer my question about Richie.”

“I know.  I think he’s okay.  I’m not sure.  I haven’t talked to him since I left him at the airport.”

Jess took a thoughtful sip from her glass.  “Tell me what happened.”

The afternoon waned as the girls talked and Jess sat up straighter the closer Stephanie got to the end of her tale.  “So, when Richie found out about the issue with my house and the fact that I’d have to find somewhere else to live, he asked me to live with him.”  She paused and took a long pull from her glass. 

“And?”  Jess knew there had to be more coming.

Stephanie slumped back against her chair, “I kinda freaked a little and told him I didn’t think I was ready for that.”  She blew out a tired breath.  “Things haven’t been quite right between us since.”

Jess pursed her lips.  “Why don’t you think you’re ready?”

Pushing her chair back, Stephanie stood and paced the length of the deck.  “It’s so fast, Jess.  Everything has been happening so fast.”  She turned and looked at her sister.  “Nothing felt the same on my way over here today.  Nothing felt right, like it used to.”  She couldn’t stop the flow of words running from her mouth.  “This has always been home, but after Mark and Ben I needed a change and moving to California gave me the time and space I needed to regroup and find myself again.  I made a new home there and now that’s gone.  So, I have no home here, no home there.  And I’m a freaking basket case about moving in with Richie.  Where does that leave me?  She sat back down at the table.  “Where the hell does that leave me?” she repeated quietly.

Jess reached across the table and gave her sister’s had a comforting squeeze.  “You know, people say home is where your heart is.”  She looked Stephanie in the eye, “fast or not, where is your heart, sweetie?”  Before Stephanie could blurt out an answer, Jess rushed on, “and don’t just say here because we’re all here, think about it for a minute.”

Stephanie closed her eyes and when she realized what Jess was saying they popped open.  Could it really be that easy?  “Oh my God.  I am such an idiot.”  She looked around, “where did I leave my purse?  I need my phone.”  She needed to call Richie, needed to book a flight to Los Angeles as soon as possible. 

Jess kept a hold of her hand, “you need food and a good night’s sleep first.  Then you can make your calls.”

She pulled her hand from Jess’s, “I at least have to call Richie.  He and Ava are going to Tahoe and I want to talk to him before he leaves.”  She disappeared inside the house to find her purse.

~

Closing the door, she set toed off her shoes and carried her bag through the foyer and up the stairs.  Dropping her stuff in her room she wandered down the hall, coming to a stop in front of the lone closed door.  She knocked tentatively before quietly opening the door.

He lay across the wide bed, the sheets rumpled around him and one of the pillows was on the floor.  He was restless even in sleep.  She tiptoed across the room.  “Dad?!”  A small hand reached out and shook a bare shoulder.  “Dad, wake up.”

“Hmm” he snuffled and burrowed deeper into the bed. 

She shook him again, “DAD!”

His eyes flew open and his whole body jerked awake.  “Ava, what the hell are you doing?”  He was supposed to pick her up tomorrow or the day after, once he could figure out what day today was.  That was his and Heather’s routine.  He’d get back from being on tour and she’d give him a couple days to get re-oriented and then he’d have Ava for however long he wanted.  What the hell was she doing here now? He’d only been home for a day.

“I just wanted to let you know I was here.”  Her pretty smile turned into a frown.  “I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

He rubbed a hand over his face, cleared the grit from his eyes.  “I am baby girl, you just caught me by surprise.”  He sat up, “I thought I was picking you up in a couple days.”

She shrugged, “mom had stuff to do, somewhere to go.  I told her to just drop me off here.  I hope that’s okay.”

He reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her close to the bed and kissed the side of her head.  “You know it is.  You ready for our trip to Lake Tahoe?”

She nodded, “yeah, so is Kelly.   Thanks for letting me invite her along.”  She cocked her head to the side, “is Stephanie coming?”

Richie shifted his legs under the blankets.  “No, not this time.”  He couldn’t help but wonder for the thousandth time if she was going to call him sometime soon.  This not knowing was killing him. 

“Why not?”  Ava thought they had a good thing going.  And she liked this woman.

“We’ve hit a bit of a rough spot and she’s trying to figure some things out.  She’s not even here in California right now.”

“Where is she?”

Richie sighed.  “She stopped off in New York to visit her family.  She’s supposed to call me when she gets back.”

“Oh” Ava’s voice was quiet.  “I like her, Dad.  You’ve got to fix this.”

If only it was that easy.  He shooed Ava out of the room and got up, crossing to the bathroom.   He couldn’t make Stephanie do anything.  He could only hope that she came to her senses and made the only decision that would make them both happy.

With both hands braced on the vanity, he stared at his reflection in the mirror.  It had only been a day since he had seen her and he missed her already.  He had done the right thing, giving her the time and space she seemed so desperate for, right? 

 
With a sigh he turned on the water and reached for his toothbrush, never hearing the buzzing of his phone on the night table.