Chapter Sixty-Two

Grabbing his guitar and suitcase from the trunk, Richie slammed the lid and moved around the car.  Setting his things down, he pulled Stephanie into his arms.  He rubbed his hand up and down her back, a move meant to reassure her, but it comforted him as well.  “Thirty days will go by before you know it.”  Last night had been a turning point for her, for them and he hated to leave her, but he had no choice.  He kissed her head and took a half step back from her so he could see her face. 

She studied him for a long moment.  Was that for her benefit or his own?  “I know.”  She leaned up and pressed her lips to his.  “I’ll miss you.”  Somehow, leaving him here was harder than watching him fly off to the other side of the world.

“I’ll miss you too, Sweetheart.”  He kissed her, his mouth moving over hers slowly, sensuously, savoring her flavor.  It would be a month before he would get a taste of her again and he was going to make the most of the minutes he had left.  

Leaning against the car door, Stephanie watched him climb the steps, guitar case in one hand, suitcase in the other.  He paused and turned, winking at her before he continued up the steps.  She found a smile for him and raised her hand to wave.  He disappeared inside the sprawling, Mediterranean style estate.  It looked for all the world like someone’s house, not a rehab center.  She had fully expected it to look like a medical building or hospital, or something a little more clinical than a house that rivaled his own. 

Climbing back in the car she sat for a moment longer, the view of the Santa Monica mountains was spectacular.  Between that and the breathtaking view of the Pacific Ocean, she almost wished she was staying.  She hoped Richie found the peace he was missing and found a way to handle the stress of his hectic life.  She knew from the little bit of research she had done on the place, that the views and the accommodations were all just a small part of the healing process.  He’d find sanctuary there, quiet time to exorcise the demons that still haunted him. 

They had specialized programs to address each individual’s issues and clinical services to meet individual needs.  He’d be comfortable here, in a home-like setting instead of a hospital.  His privacy would be protected here, in a gated community where the distractions of everyday life were minimal and unexpected visitors were not allowed.  He could take long walks, take refuge in one of the meditation areas, join in a conversation in one of the common areas or just keep to himself in his room and play his guitar.  Anything to get himself evened out and relieved of the stress.

Putting the key in the ignition, she started the car and lowered the top.  It was too pretty a day to keep it up.  He had promised to call her, she mused as she drove slowly down the lane.  She had told him just to concentrate on getting better.  “Don’t worry about me, Rich, focus on yourself” she had told him.

But, he insisted, “I’m allowed to use the phone, sweetheart.  They even have the internet here.  Besides,” he took her hands in his, “you’re part of what helps keep me on an even keel.”  He brought her hands to his lips, kissing the backs of them, “you and Ava.  So I’m going to be calling you both.”

She smiled to herself as she drove out the gates.  There was just no arguing with the man.

~

Richie stood in the middle of his room.  He didn’t know what to do with himself.  There was no way he was ready to go to sleep at-he leaned over to look at the clock-nine o’clock, but curfew had him relegated to his room.  He looked around.  He had one of the private rooms with an ensuite bathroom.  Sometimes having money had its advantages.  Not that he would have minded sharing a room with someone, but it’s nice to have your privacy.  It was a nice enough room with all the amenities-bed, dresser, small table and a comfortable-enough looking chair.  He glanced back at the bed.  No way that was a king-sized bed.  He was sure if he lay down in the middle and stretched out his arms he could touch either side.    

His eyes continued their perusal of the room.  His guitar was propped in the corner and his notebook was on the small table.  He had too much energy.  He should have skipped the soda with dinner.  Caffeine was not his friend tonight.

He crossed to the French doors and stepped out on the small balcony.  The sun had set and with no encroaching city lights, the stars were out in full, sparkly force.  Even if he stood here for the entire thirty days he wouldn’t be able to count them all.  He took a deep, cleansing breath and blew it out.  He needed to try to relax enough to sleep soon.  The morning wake-up call would come early and everyone and his brothers knew he was not a morning person.

He stepped back into the room, grabbed his guitar, notebook and phone and slipped back outside.  He settled in one of the wicker chairs and stared up at the heavens.  He needed this.  Closing his eyes, he laid his head back against the back of the chair and propped his bare feet up on the railing.  He thought about Stephanie and could see her standing by her car, her arm raised to wave at him. 

Blindly, he picked up his guitar and started quietly strumming.  He hadn’t lied when he told her that she and Ava were the ones who kept him centered.  Before Stephanie, it was just Ava and that was a lot of responsibility for a young girl to handle on her own.  Then he had met Stephanie and his world had shifted on its axis.  He was a very lucky man and there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his girls.  Once he got his head on straight, when he had all the madness in his life worked out, he’d give them all they could ever want or need.  He’d be right there beside them, every step of the way.

He paused his strumming and picked up his pencil.  The words flowed out of him and onto the page almost faster than he could write.

Sometimes we live inside the madness
We have to make it through the sadness,
What's worse, a blessing or a curse,
It's gonna take a little practice
We gotta keep on keepin' at this
Live and learn, can't let us crash and burn

When you feel alone
I will sing you home
I'll be there,
To help you make it through
When your tears are gone
And we will go on, I swear,
There's nothing I won't do
I'll always walk beside you
Beside you

Sometimes there's nothing to believe in,
You end up searching for a reason,
Breath in, and just believe in me
Many roads lead through the darkness
Feeling hopeless, feeling heartless
Reach out, I'll give you all you need.

He set the pencil down, flipped to the recording app on his phone and picked up the guitar again.  His fingers moved nimbly across the strings and he sang quietly, pausing every so often to write as the words came to him.

When you feel alone
I will sing you home
I'll be there,
To help you make it through
When your tears are gone
And we will go on, I swear,
There's nothing I won't do
I'll always walk beside you

I, I'll never get ahead of us
I, I will never leave you behind,

I'll always walk, always walk beside you

When you feel alone
I will sing you home
I'll be there,

To help you make it through
When your tears are gone
And we will go on, I swear,
There's nothing I won't do
I'll always walk beside you
Beside you,
Always walk beside you
Beside you,
Always walk beside you
Beside you,
I will walk
Beside you

Picking up the phone he played back what he had recorded.  It was rough, but it would definitely work.  Gathering his things he headed back inside.  Picking up his phone again he stretched out on the bed and found the number he was looking for.  He plumped the pillow behind his head and smiled as his own voice resonated in his ear-she really needed to change that ringback tone-before her quiet “hey you” greeted him.

“Hey yourself sweetheart.  What are you doing this fine evening?”

She smiled and settled back into the chaise and gazed up at the stars.  “I was just about to go inside and run a bath.  I’ve been sitting out on the deck watching the stars.”  She took the final sip of her wine and set the empty glass on the floor.  “How about you?”  He hadn’t even been there the a day.  He couldn’t miss her yet.  Could he?

He told her a little bit about his day from the time she left.  “I’m supposed to be sleeping, but I had too much caffeine earlier.  I was doing a little star-gazing myself and got inspired.  I’ve got a brand new song just about done.” 

Her smile widened, he sounded happy and so proud of himself.  “Do I get to hear this new song?”

“I tell you what."  He shifted on the bed and got a little more comfortable.  "Why don’t you go run that bath and I’ll sing it to you.”

Chapter Sixty-One

Easing from his arms, Stephanie slid carefully to the edge of the bed, not wanting to wake him.  She pulled on her robe and settled on the bench by the window.  There were just a few stars still visible, one shining brighter than the rest.  She had done it.  She had gotten those three little words past her lips, even if she had only whispered them.  She still wasn’t entirely sure he had actually heard her either.  She sighed and rested her head against a cool pane of glass.  A sense of melancholy settled on her shoulders.  But she wasn’t sad.  Not exactly. 

Angling her head her eyes came to rest on the man sleeping in her bed.  He was a good man.  So much like Mark, it was no wonder she had fallen for him.  There were similarities in their looks, both had brown hair and broad shoulders, but it was their hearts that had drawn her in.  And their eyes.  Where Richie’s were a warm, rich brown, Mark’s had been as blue as a cloudless summer afternoon.  Both carried laughter there, mixed with patience and understanding.  Both would give you the shirt off their back without hesitation if asked.  Both were the best men she had ever had the opportunity of knowing.

They were cut of the same cloth.  And that was part of the problem.  She was meshing the two together, losing Mark to the reality that was Richie.  She didn’t want to forget him, but it was getting harder to separate the two.  She had lived a lifetime with Mark, given her heart to him for the long haul.  But that trip had fallen far short of the forever she had hoped for.  Now, though, she had another wanting to help her pick up the pieces and get back on the road again.  She couldn’t keep denying her heart anymore.  Mark was her past.  Richie was her present and, if she was lucky, he just might be her future.   

She rested her head against the window again.  She just had to find the courage to say those three words again, only this time, loud enough for him to actually hear them.

Keeping his breathing steady and even, Richie watched her with hooded eyes.  She had been distant with him since the other night when she finally let her heart speak for her.  He was sure she thought he hadn’t heard her.  She hadn’t repeated the words and he hadn’t pressed her on it. 

She had lived through a world of hurt, hurt that would have buckled him and most anyone else he knew.  But she had shouldered it, dealt with it, continued to deal with it and made a new life for herself.  He wanted to be a long-term part of that new life.  He watched as she rested her head against the window and closed her eyes. He eased from the bed and crossed to her on silent feet.

She heard him move, opened her eyes and watched him take the steps to go from the bed to the window.  Silvery moonlight played over his skin as he moved closer.  Drawing her eyes from him, she glanced out the window again, the once bright star was now gone.  Richie sat down opposite her, drawing her attention back to him.  “Did I wake you?”

He picked up her hand from where it rested on her knee.  “Only because you weren’t there next to me.”

She ducked her head, “sorry.  I was restless and couldn’t sleep.  I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Angling his head, he tried to find her eyes with his.  “What’s troubling you, sweetheart?”

She raised her head and looked at him.  In that instant she had a moment of clarity.  Everything fell away but the two of them.  She saw her life, their life.  Everything she was supposed to have had with Mark, she could have with Richie.  She saw happiness in her future with him, because of him.  She had suffered an unfathomable loss, but, from that loss she had gained something that could be as good, maybe even better than what she’d once had.

Reaching out, she found his other hand with hers.  “Nothing’s troubling me.  Not anymore.”  She continued to hold his gaze with hers.  “I love you, Richie.”  She waited a breath.  “I wanted to make sure you heard me this time.”

His grip tightened in hers and he tugged her across the bench to him.  “I heard you the other night, I just wasn’t sure you meant it.” 

Sprawled across him, she rested her head on his shoulder and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck.  “I did.  I just-” she hesitated.

He turned his head, nuzzled into her hair.  “You just what, sweetheart?” 

“I’m scared.”  She rubbed her cheek against his strong shoulder.  “I don’t want to forget, you know?”  Mark had been her everything, he wouldn’t be easily forgotten.

He eased her off his shoulder so he could look at her.  “Don’t be scared, darlin’.  I would never ask you to forget that part of you.”  He rested his fingers over her heart.  “I just want my own spot in here.”  He wanted to give her everything she had had and more.  So much more.

She picked up his hand and kissed his fingertips.  “You’ve got more than just a spot, Rich.”  She blinked back the tears that had sprung, unbidden, to her eyes.  “You’ve got all that’s left.”

Sliding an arm under her knees he wrapped the other around her and stood, heading back to the bed.  Setting her on her feet, he loosened the sash on her robe and pushed it off her shoulders.  It slithered down her body, a pink puddle at her feet. 

His eyes traveled up from her slender ankles, over slim thighs, the not-quite flat of her belly, her breasts that tantalized and higher to her face before finally meeting her eyes.  He stopped.  They were clear, not a hint of sadness to be seen, not a shadow to be found.  He felt that she was finally, completely with him.  Not that she hadn’t been responsive to him or giving him less than she had to give, but he had always had a niggling sense that she hadn’t been entirely with him.

It wasn’t there now.

It thrilled him to see just how clear her kaleidoscope eyes were.  He eased her down onto the bed.  He hated that he was going away for the next thirty days.  He spent what was left of the night showing her just how much he would miss her and how glad he was that she finally admitted to herself and to him how she felt.