To: The Girls
From: Q
Re: Meeting Ava
Oh boy, tonight I’m meeting Ava for the first time. Nervous as hell.
What if she doesn’t like me? What if I start talking about Ben? His birthday is coming up in a few days.
Maybe I shouldn’t go.
Help! I’m freaking out...
Love to you all -
Q
Standing in her closet, Stephanie frowned at her clothes. What do you wear to meet your lover’s child? She shook her head. She had no idea, but she needed to make a decision. She was going to Richie’s house and they were just going to have a quiet dinner there with Ava so his two “favorite girls” as Richie put it, could get to know each other.
When Richie had sprung this idea on her she had been sated on crazy, unbelievably amazing sex and the first decent night’s sleep she’d had since the last time she’d slept with him. Besides, he was leaving to go on tour again in a few days and he wanted Stephanie to meet Ava before he took off for parts unknown. She had said yes without thinking about the consequences of her decision.
Now, she wasn’t so sure it had been the best idea.
She blew out a breath and ran her hand across a stack of sweaters. Would she be able to get through the evening without breaking down? She turned back to the rack of shirts and blouses, selecting a soft pink button down to go over the pale gray cami she was wearing. Ben’s birthday was coming up and it was getting harder to ignore the ache in her heart the closer the day got.
She stepped into the bathroom. One look at her reflection had her frowning all over again. Her emotions were running so high, she looked like she was about to cry any second. Closing her eyes she took a deep, cleansing breath, pushing her emotions back into their box. You can do this. When she opened her eyes again they weren’t quite as stormy. The heaviness in her chest was still there, but it didn’t seem as apparent in her eyes anymore. At least she hoped it didn’t.
She dabbed on a little make-up and ran her fingers through her hair before stepping back into her room. Taking one last look around, her eyes landed on the photograph of Ben on her bookshelf. Crossing the room she picked up the picture and sat on the bench at the end of her bed. She traced his chubby little baby face with her finger. He had been ten months old that Christmas. He was sitting under the portrait studio Christmas tree decked out in a red and green footed “Baby’s First Christmas” outfit. He was even wearing a santa hat. It was one of her favorite pictures of him.
She hugged the frame to her chest. She missed him so much. She missed Mark, but it was different the way she missed Ben. She missed his laughter, his smile. She missed the way he would come up behind her, throw his arms around her and yell in her ear “I love you mommy” in that pretend little boy voice that he couldn’t quiet master as his voice had deepened with impending adolescence. She missed watching him play baseball and cheering for him when he played basketball. There was so much about him that she missed and would never have again. She just didn’t know if she could watch Richie with Ava tonight and keep it together.
Ben wasn’t supposed to have died before her. She wasn’t supposed to have buried him and his father together. He was supposed to have outlived her and Mark. He was the one who should have buried her.
It wasn’t fair.
No one would ever know just how amazing he could have been. No one would know how amazing he had been. He had been the shining light in their lives. He had brought them smiles and laughter and a sense of wonder that only a child can know. “I miss you so much little man” she whispered as she set the photo back on the shelf.
She grabbed a tissue from the box on her night table and dabbed at her eyes and nose before picking up her phone. Maybe she should call Rich and cancel. Her finger hovered over his picture for a moment and before she could decide, the phone vibrated in her hand.
He was calling her.
“Hey you. I was just thinking about you.” She answered quietly, hoping her voice didn’t sound as shaky to him as it did to her.
“Hey yourself sweetheart. Just called to find out your ETA.” He didn’t want to start dinner too soon and over cook anything. He also wanted to make sure she hadn’t changed her mind. He knew this couldn’t be easy for her, but if they were going to continue seeing each other, she needed to meet the other most important woman in his life, his daughter.
She could hear music and Ava in the background talking to him and his happiness was undeniable, even through the phone. Despite the email plea to her girls, she knew she couldn’t back out now. She couldn’t disappoint him like that. “I was just getting ready to leave. I should be there in about twenty minutes or so.”
From: Q
Re: Meeting Ava
Oh boy, tonight I’m meeting Ava for the first time. Nervous as hell.
What if she doesn’t like me? What if I start talking about Ben? His birthday is coming up in a few days.
Maybe I shouldn’t go.
Help! I’m freaking out...
Love to you all -
Q
Standing in her closet, Stephanie frowned at her clothes. What do you wear to meet your lover’s child? She shook her head. She had no idea, but she needed to make a decision. She was going to Richie’s house and they were just going to have a quiet dinner there with Ava so his two “favorite girls” as Richie put it, could get to know each other.
When Richie had sprung this idea on her she had been sated on crazy, unbelievably amazing sex and the first decent night’s sleep she’d had since the last time she’d slept with him. Besides, he was leaving to go on tour again in a few days and he wanted Stephanie to meet Ava before he took off for parts unknown. She had said yes without thinking about the consequences of her decision.
Now, she wasn’t so sure it had been the best idea.
She blew out a breath and ran her hand across a stack of sweaters. Would she be able to get through the evening without breaking down? She turned back to the rack of shirts and blouses, selecting a soft pink button down to go over the pale gray cami she was wearing. Ben’s birthday was coming up and it was getting harder to ignore the ache in her heart the closer the day got.
She stepped into the bathroom. One look at her reflection had her frowning all over again. Her emotions were running so high, she looked like she was about to cry any second. Closing her eyes she took a deep, cleansing breath, pushing her emotions back into their box. You can do this. When she opened her eyes again they weren’t quite as stormy. The heaviness in her chest was still there, but it didn’t seem as apparent in her eyes anymore. At least she hoped it didn’t.
She dabbed on a little make-up and ran her fingers through her hair before stepping back into her room. Taking one last look around, her eyes landed on the photograph of Ben on her bookshelf. Crossing the room she picked up the picture and sat on the bench at the end of her bed. She traced his chubby little baby face with her finger. He had been ten months old that Christmas. He was sitting under the portrait studio Christmas tree decked out in a red and green footed “Baby’s First Christmas” outfit. He was even wearing a santa hat. It was one of her favorite pictures of him.
She hugged the frame to her chest. She missed him so much. She missed Mark, but it was different the way she missed Ben. She missed his laughter, his smile. She missed the way he would come up behind her, throw his arms around her and yell in her ear “I love you mommy” in that pretend little boy voice that he couldn’t quiet master as his voice had deepened with impending adolescence. She missed watching him play baseball and cheering for him when he played basketball. There was so much about him that she missed and would never have again. She just didn’t know if she could watch Richie with Ava tonight and keep it together.
Ben wasn’t supposed to have died before her. She wasn’t supposed to have buried him and his father together. He was supposed to have outlived her and Mark. He was the one who should have buried her.
It wasn’t fair.
No one would ever know just how amazing he could have been. No one would know how amazing he had been. He had been the shining light in their lives. He had brought them smiles and laughter and a sense of wonder that only a child can know. “I miss you so much little man” she whispered as she set the photo back on the shelf.
She grabbed a tissue from the box on her night table and dabbed at her eyes and nose before picking up her phone. Maybe she should call Rich and cancel. Her finger hovered over his picture for a moment and before she could decide, the phone vibrated in her hand.
He was calling her.
“Hey you. I was just thinking about you.” She answered quietly, hoping her voice didn’t sound as shaky to him as it did to her.
“Hey yourself sweetheart. Just called to find out your ETA.” He didn’t want to start dinner too soon and over cook anything. He also wanted to make sure she hadn’t changed her mind. He knew this couldn’t be easy for her, but if they were going to continue seeing each other, she needed to meet the other most important woman in his life, his daughter.
She could hear music and Ava in the background talking to him and his happiness was undeniable, even through the phone. Despite the email plea to her girls, she knew she couldn’t back out now. She couldn’t disappoint him like that. “I was just getting ready to leave. I should be there in about twenty minutes or so.”
~
Pulling into his driveway she felt infinitely calmer, Richie singing to her for the last twenty minutes had helped immensely. Turning off the car she sat for a moment just looking at the front of the house and listening to The Answer before checking her phone one last time. She was surprised to see an email from one of the girls. It was Saturday night, didn’t everyone have plans?
To: Q
From: Hath
Re: Meeting Ava
Holy Hell Q, relax and just breathe. Everything is going to be fine. You should absolutely go and if you start talking about Ben, so what? He was your son and you were very proud of him and had every right to be. Richie and Ava will be glad to hear about him, I’m sure.
Remember, breathe darlin’. Have a good time. And of course Ava is going to like you. What’s not to like? J
Let us know how it goes.
Love and Hugs-
Hath
Stephanie chuckled and dropped her phone into her purse. Hath was right. She took a deep breath and headed up the front walk.
The door swung open before she could knock and she was engulfed in a strong embrace. “Hi sweetheart.”
His enthusiasm was contagious and she couldn’t help but smile at him. “Hi yourself.”
He spun her around and set her on her feet before turning to close the door. “You sat out there for so long I was beginning to wonder if you had changed your mind and were going to turn around and go home.” He turned back and held out his hand for her jacket. “Is everything okay?”
She handed him her coat debating on what to say. Finally she sighed “I’m not really sure.”
He took her hand and led her through the house toward the kitchen. “What’s going on, sweetheart?” He knew something was bothering her, he just couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was.
“I’ve just been thinking a lot about Ben today. His birthday is in a few days and coming here tonight to be with you and Ava, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it.”
Richie stopped walking and turned her into his embrace. His heart went out to her for a loss no parent should ever know, but as much as this might hurt her, she needed to know his daughter. He stroked his hand lightly up and down her back. “I know this is difficult and I’m glad you came.” He tipped her head up with his fingers and the sadness in her eyes nearly broke his heart. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Why don’t we eat and then you can tell us about Ben?” He didn’t know if it would help, but he had to try.
She nodded, “okay” and started when a voice came from somewhere behind her.
“I’d like to hear about Ben too.”
Stephanie whirled around in Richie’s arms to find Ava standing in the doorway, watching them.
Richie dropped his arms from around Stephanie and took her hand. “Come on, let’s go into the kitchen. Dinner is just about ready. Then we can sit down and talk.”
Mmmm...I sense a very emotional evening on the horizon. But maybe Ava will be the one to help her start to heal a little from the loss of her son.
ReplyDeleteYep, I agree with Liz. Tough evening...
ReplyDeleteOhhhhh my the tears are rolling down my face. My heart just breaks for her with just the thought of losing a child. I think it will do her a world of good to talk about Ben and I just love the fact that Ava will be kind and lovely enough to want to listen.
ReplyDelete