Standing in her bedroom Stephanie stared out the window at the inky darkness. God, what was she doing? Could she be any more of an idiot? She’d been in Richie Sambora’s arms and what did she do? She’d made him stop. Sighing, she turned from the window and stalked to the bathroom to fill her tub.
Once they’d gotten past the awkwardness and finished the movie in a somewhat comfortable silence she’d busied herself with food. A savory beef stew that had been simmering away in her crock pot to start and a couple of games of pool had been their dessert.
Then he had brought her back home.
The ride back from his house had disaster written all over it. All she could focus on was being alone so she could think. She rubbed a hand across her forehead. The ghost of his soft kiss there seemed so much more intimate than the interlude on his sofa.
Disgusted, she stripped off her clothes and jammed a clip into her hair before slipping into the steamy, frothy tub. The hot water should have settled her. What was wrong with her? It would serve her right if he didn’t call her, even though he said he would. She didn’t deserve this man’s attention after the way she treated him today. But she couldn’t help herself. Her reaction to his touch had scared her to her very bones. Only Mark had ever made her feel like that. It wasn’t right.
Was it?
Reaching over she flipped on her iPod, dialing through to her quiet time play list. The music surrounded her as she sank to her chin in the bubbles, her memories playing like a movie in her mind.
A tear escaped down her cheek. Mark’s face blurred with that of another before slowly dissipating back into that of the man she had loved so dearly. Mark had been her first, and only, lover. They had started dating at sixteen and they had been stupid in love as only teenagers can be. They shared their first real kisses, did a lot of heavy petting, but never actually did the deed until nearly two years later. She was just shy of her 18th birthday that first time. Salty tears burned into the smile of memories.
Those first intimate touches had been scary, exciting, and awkward all at the same time. Neither one of them had experience so they just kind of fumbled along, eventually figuring things out and getting it right. They had laughed afterward, and then tried again.
Things had only gotten better after that.
Her hands slid down her body, remembering Mark’s hands and the way he’d touched her.
It had all been new and exciting as only that first time can be. They had learned so much and grown together, loving, exploring, trying new and different things. Their love life had never become staid and boring.
She shifted in the tub, her hands wandering like they hadn’t in more than a year. She shifted her knees apart, her fingers sliding lower, guilt and needs swirled inside her. She needed this. It’s okay to do this. The ache and loneliness eased with each brush of her fingers around her clit. The warmth of the water and memories drifted into possibilities. It had been so long, she shuddered at her own touch. Closing her eyes a face swam into view.
Now there was someone new. Someone who wanted her like Mark had. She whispered his name to the empty room.
Richie.
She gasped as she slid two fingers inside herself. It wasn’t Mark’s face. It was Richie’s eyes she focused on. It was his fingers, his long, strong, slender fingers she could practically feel sliding over her skin. A man she had known for 25 years, but still didn’t really know. A man who she was sure could bring her that pleasure again.
Her orgasm heaved through her, leaving her trembling in the tub. Tears slid down her cheeks and mingled with the rapidly cooling water as she turned and rested her forehead on the cool, fiberglass edge.
Taking a deep breath she found her legs, pulled the plug on the drain and climbed out of the tub. Still trembling, she dried off and wrapped up in her soft terry bathrobe. Curling up on the seat by the window she resumed her staring contest with the night sky. The clouds had started to break up a little and she could just see the hint of pale moonlight playing around the edges of the clouds.
What was she going to do? She missed Mark so much, but the whole point of moving out here was, not to forget, but to try to move past the pain and loss and start living again. Her head dropped forward to rest on a cool pane of glass. But was that supposed to include finding another man to be with? She wished she had some answers, but all she had were questions. She was such a mess.
Rolling her forehead against the glass she rose from the bench and headed downstairs. She needed to talk to someone. Slipping into her office she booted up her laptop and glanced at the clock. Maybe one of her friends was still up and could talk to her. Or maybe her sister was still awake.
To: The Girls
From: Q
Re: Help…
Hey girls, I need your help. You’re not going to believe how I spent my day. Richie (yes THAT Richie) came by and we ended up spending the day at his house watching a moving and playing pool!
But that’s not my problem. He kissed me and things got a little heated and I had to stop him. He said it was all right, but I still feel so mixed up about things. It wasn’t that I didn’t like what was happening, I did, but … God … it wasn’t Mark.
I just don’t know if I can be with him like that… am I being an idiot about this?
Thanks…
Q
She hit send and waited, hoping someone was awake on the other end.
~
Catte was just getting ready to shut down her computer and try to get some sleep. Insomnia was a bitch sometimes. Three in the morning and she was still awake, but at least it was Saturday and she didn’t have to be anywhere tomorrow. She sat up a little straighter when she saw the e-mail from Stephanie.
Opening it up her eyes nearly bugged out of her head at the first sentence of the e-mail. Oh my God. She continued to read and her jaw dropped open. Holy shit. Getting to the end she felt a pang of sadness for her friend. She thought about her own husband and the cattelet all snug and tucked away in their beds. She couldn’t imagine losing either or both of them and having to start all over.
Once they’d gotten past the awkwardness and finished the movie in a somewhat comfortable silence she’d busied herself with food. A savory beef stew that had been simmering away in her crock pot to start and a couple of games of pool had been their dessert.
Then he had brought her back home.
The ride back from his house had disaster written all over it. All she could focus on was being alone so she could think. She rubbed a hand across her forehead. The ghost of his soft kiss there seemed so much more intimate than the interlude on his sofa.
Disgusted, she stripped off her clothes and jammed a clip into her hair before slipping into the steamy, frothy tub. The hot water should have settled her. What was wrong with her? It would serve her right if he didn’t call her, even though he said he would. She didn’t deserve this man’s attention after the way she treated him today. But she couldn’t help herself. Her reaction to his touch had scared her to her very bones. Only Mark had ever made her feel like that. It wasn’t right.
Was it?
Reaching over she flipped on her iPod, dialing through to her quiet time play list. The music surrounded her as she sank to her chin in the bubbles, her memories playing like a movie in her mind.
A tear escaped down her cheek. Mark’s face blurred with that of another before slowly dissipating back into that of the man she had loved so dearly. Mark had been her first, and only, lover. They had started dating at sixteen and they had been stupid in love as only teenagers can be. They shared their first real kisses, did a lot of heavy petting, but never actually did the deed until nearly two years later. She was just shy of her 18th birthday that first time. Salty tears burned into the smile of memories.
Those first intimate touches had been scary, exciting, and awkward all at the same time. Neither one of them had experience so they just kind of fumbled along, eventually figuring things out and getting it right. They had laughed afterward, and then tried again.
Things had only gotten better after that.
Her hands slid down her body, remembering Mark’s hands and the way he’d touched her.
It had all been new and exciting as only that first time can be. They had learned so much and grown together, loving, exploring, trying new and different things. Their love life had never become staid and boring.
She shifted in the tub, her hands wandering like they hadn’t in more than a year. She shifted her knees apart, her fingers sliding lower, guilt and needs swirled inside her. She needed this. It’s okay to do this. The ache and loneliness eased with each brush of her fingers around her clit. The warmth of the water and memories drifted into possibilities. It had been so long, she shuddered at her own touch. Closing her eyes a face swam into view.
Now there was someone new. Someone who wanted her like Mark had. She whispered his name to the empty room.
Richie.
She gasped as she slid two fingers inside herself. It wasn’t Mark’s face. It was Richie’s eyes she focused on. It was his fingers, his long, strong, slender fingers she could practically feel sliding over her skin. A man she had known for 25 years, but still didn’t really know. A man who she was sure could bring her that pleasure again.
Her orgasm heaved through her, leaving her trembling in the tub. Tears slid down her cheeks and mingled with the rapidly cooling water as she turned and rested her forehead on the cool, fiberglass edge.
Taking a deep breath she found her legs, pulled the plug on the drain and climbed out of the tub. Still trembling, she dried off and wrapped up in her soft terry bathrobe. Curling up on the seat by the window she resumed her staring contest with the night sky. The clouds had started to break up a little and she could just see the hint of pale moonlight playing around the edges of the clouds.
What was she going to do? She missed Mark so much, but the whole point of moving out here was, not to forget, but to try to move past the pain and loss and start living again. Her head dropped forward to rest on a cool pane of glass. But was that supposed to include finding another man to be with? She wished she had some answers, but all she had were questions. She was such a mess.
Rolling her forehead against the glass she rose from the bench and headed downstairs. She needed to talk to someone. Slipping into her office she booted up her laptop and glanced at the clock. Maybe one of her friends was still up and could talk to her. Or maybe her sister was still awake.
To: The Girls
From: Q
Re: Help…
Hey girls, I need your help. You’re not going to believe how I spent my day. Richie (yes THAT Richie) came by and we ended up spending the day at his house watching a moving and playing pool!
But that’s not my problem. He kissed me and things got a little heated and I had to stop him. He said it was all right, but I still feel so mixed up about things. It wasn’t that I didn’t like what was happening, I did, but … God … it wasn’t Mark.
I just don’t know if I can be with him like that… am I being an idiot about this?
Thanks…
Q
She hit send and waited, hoping someone was awake on the other end.
~
Catte was just getting ready to shut down her computer and try to get some sleep. Insomnia was a bitch sometimes. Three in the morning and she was still awake, but at least it was Saturday and she didn’t have to be anywhere tomorrow. She sat up a little straighter when she saw the e-mail from Stephanie.
Opening it up her eyes nearly bugged out of her head at the first sentence of the e-mail. Oh my God. She continued to read and her jaw dropped open. Holy shit. Getting to the end she felt a pang of sadness for her friend. She thought about her own husband and the cattelet all snug and tucked away in their beds. She couldn’t imagine losing either or both of them and having to start all over.
She picked up her phone; sleep was going to have to wait. This called for a voice-to-voice discussion, not just words typed on a computer screen.
Reclining on the chaise end of her sofa Stephanie had started to doze. The na na na’s of the ring startled her. She reached for her phone without looking, knowing it was Catte. Born to Be My Baby was her favorite song so Stephanie had made it her ringtone.
“Hey. What are you doing up so late?”
Catte settled back in her chair. “I swear sleep hates me. I just read your e-mail.”
“And? I’m being an idiot about this, right?”
Catte shook her head. “No, but we’ll get to that. First, why the HELL didn’t you tell us you were seeing HIM and second, what’s his place really like?”
Stephanie laughed for the first time that night. “Oh Catte, his place is as amazing as it looked in those pictures we saw online. And I didn’t tell anyone because I wasn’t really sure what was going to happen.” She paused before quietly continuing. “I’m still not sure.”
“Tell me what happened” Catte gently prodded.
Stephanie told her everything, from the time they left her house until the time he brought her back, about her indecision, her guilt. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You shouldn’t feel guilty” Catte started. “You’ve done nothing wrong. You just need some time sweetie and if Richie’s the kind of guy we all think and hope he is, he’ll understand that.”
Stephanie drew in a shaky breath. “He said he understood. He also said he wanted to kiss me again.”
Catte chuckled. “So let him. Let him take you out too. Date a little; don’t jump right into bed with him if you’re not ready for that. Make him work for it.”
She knew Catte was right. It was good to hear it out loud though. “You’re right. Thanks for listening to me being an idiot, Catte. Have I mentioned lately that I love you?”
“I love you too sweetie, we all do and we just want you to be happy. Now,” she yawned and rose from her chair, “I’m going to try to get some sleep.”
Stephanie glanced at the clock on the wall. They had been the phone for nearly an hour. “Shit, I’m sorry I kept you so long.”
“Don’t worry about it. You get some sleep too. We’ll talk again soon. G’night.”
“Good night.” Stephanie turned her phone off and settled back on the couch thinking about what Catte had said and hoping that Richie would actually call her again like he promised.
I hope that Richie is just as we imagine him to be! Stephanie, I'm sure Mark wants you to be happy....what ever it takes!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Bay. I think Mark would want you to be happy and move on. He wouldn't want you to be sad and alone for the rest of your life. I think Richie is just the way we al think he is, like this. I loved this chapter, but it was much to short for me. I wonder how Richie's breakup call with Nikki went. I hope she understood, cause I think Richie and Steph are a good fit. They both have gone through a lot, have lost loved ones, and have tried to pull themselves out of it. I think their relationship could really work!
ReplyDeleteFirat of all, it took me forever to read this chapter...I kept getting distracted by the pics down the side. LOL
ReplyDeleteSecond...take your time Steph, and only do what you're ready for. Richie will understand. Catte's right - make him work for it a little. It will do him good.
It's a big step that Steph can even imagine another man while she's in 'that' mindset. One step at a time. And he HAS to be the man we think he is. We can't ALL be wrong, can we?? :o)
ReplyDeleteI love her inner dialogue. You really climbed into the mind of a woman that has lost all her anchors. And the scene in the tub was perfect!
ReplyDelete