Chapter Twenty-Four

Setting her mug of tea on the small end table, Stephanie wrapped the blanket around herself and laid her head back against the couch cushions, a tear escaping down her cheek. Her chat with her family had left her feeling lost and out of sorts.  Everyone had looked so good, seemed so happy. Even her little baby niece, “Baby B” as Mark had dubbed her had gotten in on the conversation.  She had pressed her little face right up to the screen, touching it with her chubby little baby fingers, waving at her Auntie. 

She missed them so much.  It hurt more than she wanted to admit that she couldn’t be there with them.  Even now, she hadn’t been able to pull herself out of the funk she had fallen into after that conversation.  

But, she had pasted on a smile and endured the evening at Darcy’s, escaping as soon after dessert as she could without seeming rude.

Now all she wanted to do was sit here and watch her movie and wallow in her misery and loneliness.  She huffed out a breath.  So she was feeling sorry for herself.  So what?  No one was here to see her moping around nearly in tears because she was all by herself.  She shrugged her shoulder.  No one had to know she occasionally broke down and had pity parties for herself.

Picking up the remote, her finger paused on the play button.  Every year she, Mark and Ben laughed their way through the antics of Chevy Chase and the Griswold Family Christmas.  This would be the first time she watched it alone.  She hadn’t been able to bring herself to even take it off the shelf it last year.  Pressing play, she burrowed down into the couch.  The opening credits hadn’t even finished when the doorbell rang.  Frowning, she hit pause, unfolded herself from her cocoon and headed to the front door.  She paused at the mirror in the hallway, pushing at her hair, her glasses.

She had changed when she got back from Darcy’s into her favorite lounging around clothes and pulled her hair back into a haphazard ponytail.  She shrugged at her reflection.  The only people she knew in California were with their families.  Besides, she had no one to impress tonight.

Tugging open the door, her eyes widened in surprise.  “Richie, what are you doing here?”  And how did you know I needed someone tonight?

He looked her up and down.  She looked like she was dressed for bed.  He checked his watch.  It was only 8:30, too early to be bedded down for the night, at least for him anyway.  “I was in the neighborhood, thought I’d stop by.”  He tucked his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels. “Can I come in?”

She stepped back, looking him up and down as he moved past her.  “Since when is Burbank in the neighborhood for you?”  He lived in Calabasas, a good twenty minutes away.

He turned to face her, “do I really need a reason to stop by?”

She shook her head.  “No.”  She moved past him and opened the closet, handing him a hangar. “I’m sorry.  I’m afraid I’m not very good company tonight, Rich.”

Her eyes, her face held a world of sadness tonight.  He reached for her hand, “you look so sad sweetheart.  What’s wrong?”

She led him to the living room and picked up the remote.  “It’s just been a very difficult day.”

Before she could crawl back into the couch he tugged the remote from her fingers and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her.  “Holidays are always hard when you don’t have your family around sweetheart.”  It had to be especially hard for her this year, seeing her whole family on a tiny computer screen instead of in person and with no one here to ease the pain of being without them.

Laying her head against his chest, she slid her arms around his waist and let him hold her. How did he know?  How could he know that this was exactly what she needed tonight? Someone to hold her, soothe away the sadness and aching loneliness that never quite went away.  She closed her eyes and soaked in his warmth.  It didn’t matter.  He was here.  She relaxed more fully against him. That was all that mattered.

At her soft sniffle he slid two long fingers along her jaw, under her chin and gently raised her head. Those pretty kaleidoscope eyes glistened with tears in the dim light.  He recognized each and every emotion that swam there.  He had seen them in his own eyes more times than he cared to count in the last few years.  He had found his comfort in whatever bottle had been close at hand. Still turned to it more than he let on to anyone.  He didn’t want that for her.

He pressed his lips to the crown of her head.  Tonight, even as he drew his comfort from the flowers and midnight of her shampoo, her perfume, he would give her whatever she needed.  “Come on sweetheart, let’s sit down.”

Together they curled up on the lounger end of her sofa.  He pulled her forgotten blanket over them and picked up the remote.  “What are we watching?”

Sucking in a tremulous breath she forced the tears from her eyes and her voice.  “Christmas Vacation.”

Richie smiled as he hit play.  “Great choice.”

Snuggled up against him, his heart beat strong and steady in her ear.  Under the blanket, his hand found hers and he pressed it to his chest.  When she looked up, his warm, whiskey-colored eyes were trained on her, not the television screen.  She needed to be with him tonight.  Tonight wouldn’t be the night they did the deed, but she needed to have him here with her.  She tilted her head just a little and her lips met his.  “Thank you” she whispered against his lips before kissing him again.  “Thank you for being here tonight.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Rolling over, Stephanie glanced at the clock and dropped back against the pillow with a sigh.  She didn’t want to do this today.  Why had she let Darcy railroad her into sharing Thanksgiving with her family?  

She pulled the blankets up, all but covering her head. God, she wanted nothing more than to just stay here and hide all day.  She peeked at the clock again.  Could she call in sick on Thanksgiving? She shook her head.  No, she couldn’t do that to Darcy. She’d never hear the end of it if she pulled a no-show.

Sighing again she forced herself from the warm cocoon of her bed, straightened the blankets and headed for the bathroom.  She could do this.  It was only Thanksgiving.  She still had Christmas to look forward to.  She frowned at herself in the mirror.  Then there was New Years Eve.  Shoving the toothbrush in her mouth she scrubbed her teeth.  God, the holidays would really suck now that she was alone.  She’d get through Christmas with her family at least, but ringing in New Year’s alone?  That would be the worst.   

Stripping off her pajamas she started the shower and stepped in.  Washing her hair she decided she’d just sleep right through New Year’s.  Go to bed early and not even worry any more about it.

By the time she was dried off and dressed she was feeling less cranky.  Sipping her tea she had her iPod singing to her and she sliced apples for the pie.  When her phone buzzed she lowered the volume on the music, pressed the speaker button and continued to slice.  “Hello?”

“Hi sweetheart.  Happy Thanksgiving.”

She faltered, nearly dropping her knife.  His voice just did her in, every damn time she heard it.  “Happy Turkey day to you too.  What’s going on?”  She hoped her own voice wasn’t as breathy and nervous as it sounded.

Richie sat back on the couch.  His mom and Ava were in the kitchen so he decided to steal a few minutes and give her a call.  Knowing that she didn’t have any family here, he wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to be alone today.  He mentally berated himself for the hundredth time about that.  He should have asked her to spend the holiday with them.  But by the time he actually remembered, it was late yesterday.  Too late to call and invite her. The least he could do was call her and make sure she was okay.  That and he just wanted to hear her voice.

“We haven’t talked in a few days.  I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

Stephanie dumped a pile of apples into her bowl and smiled down at her phone.  He was so thoughtful.  “I’m doing all right.  How about you?  Are you cooking today?  Got your bird in the oven yet?”

He chuckled at that last question.  He did all right in the kitchen, but roasting a turkey was more than a little beyond his skills.  “Hanging in there sweetheart.  And my mother is here, she’s in charge of the turkey.  If it were up to me, we’d probably end up with turkey jerky.”

She laughed, “probably better that you left it to your mother then.”  The pile of apples grew on her board and she slid them into her bowl, starting on another.  “Got football on that ginormous television of yours yet?”

Her laughter brought a smile to his face.  “What are you doing today sweetheart?  And no, no football yet.  We just watched the Macy’s parade.  Now it’s officially the holiday season.”

She slid the last of the apples into the bowl, “right now, I’m up to my elbows in apples for the pie I’m making to take to my girlfriend’s house later.  And I forgot all about the parade.” She shook her head.  How could she forget something that she and Mark and Ben used to watch every year?

He nearly sighed in relief.  “So you won’t be alone today?”

She mixed her apples with cinnamon, sugar and nutmeg.  “Were you worried about me, is that why you called?”  God he was just the nicest guy.  “And no, I won’t be alone.  Somehow I managed to let a friend from work talk me into going over to her house today.” She dumped the apples into the pie crust and topped it with the crumb topping.  “I have a date with my family and then I’m going to have turkey and mashed potatoes with Darcy and her family.”   She planned on being home in her pajamas and on her couch by seven.

Richie’s eyebrows beetled.  A date with her family?  How was she going to do that?  “Did you say you have a date with your family today?  How are you going to manage that?”

Stephanie washed her hands and slid her dirty dishes into the sink.  “Ah, this wonderful invention called Skype.  They’re due to ping me in about ten minutes.”  She was looking forward to and dreading the call all at the same time.  She wanted to see everyone and talk to everyone, but she knew the minute they clicked off, she was going to be miserable.

Richie nodded his head.  He was familiar with Skype.  That’s how he and Ava kept in contact while he was away on tour; that and their cell phones.  “Well sweetheart, I should let you go then.  You have a good time at your friend’s today.”

Stephanie picked up her phone and took it off speaker.  “I’m glad you called, Rich.  Enjoy your day with your family.”

For a long moment, the line was quiet between them; neither wanted to be the first to hang up.

When her laptop chimed indicating her skype call had come she was forced to break the silence between them.  “Rich?  I have to go.  My family is calling.”

“Okay sweetheart, I’ll talk to you soon.”  With a quiet sigh he ended the call.  It wasn’t as if it had been an intimate call, but still, he hadn’t wanted to break the connection.

He sat, staring unseeingly out the window.  He didn’t even notice when his mother came in and sat down near him.  

“Richie, are you all right?”

Blinking, he drew his attention from the window and directed it toward his mother.  “Yeah, maybe, I don’t know.”  He stood and paced.  He hadn’t seen her in nearly a week now.  It would be another month at least before he saw her again.  He didn’t want to wait that long. He didn’t understand this urge he had to be with this woman, but somehow she made everything seem better, right in a way he just couldn’t explain.  He needed to see her before he left for a month.  Had to.

“Would you mind if I went out later, after dinner?”  

Chapter Twenty-Two

Sitting at her desk, Stephanie practically growled as she read the same paragraph for the fifth time.  This story made no sense.  She shook her head and added it to the growing pile of rejections.

Tossing her pencil down, she stood and stretched before taking the three steps to her window. Staring out into the rainy afternoon her thoughts turned to Richie.  They had finally connected late Saturday afternoon. 

She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the window frame. That phone call had been more than a little awkward.  She had been glad they hadn’t been face to face.  She was sure her face was the color of a tomato by the first question.  It was her own fault though. If she hadn’t drank so much, that phone call would not have been necessary. But, to his credit, he hadn’t laughed at her or made her feel any more embarrassed than she already had been.  He had been his sweet, charming self while he filled in the few blanks she had had about Friday night.  

Sighing, she paced between the window and her desk.  She hadn’t said anything to him about her mini-revelation.  That she needed to tell him face to face.  But it looked like it was going to be a while before that happened.  He had been busy the rest of the weekend, Thanksgiving was in a few days and then he was leaving for Japan, New Zealand and Australia.  He wouldn’t be back until nearly Christmas.  And she was going home for the holidays to see her family.  She wouldn’t be back until December 30.  At this rate, it would be January before they saw each other again.

Frowning, she turned from the window and moved back to her desk.  Right now she had a few more rejects to address and Thanksgiving to worry about.  

Thanksgiving.

This would be the first time she spent a holiday alone.  That thought left her feeling a little lost, out of sorts.  She hadn’t been alone, even right after Mark and Ben had died.  Her parents had come to her house, practically dragged her to the car and took her to her sister’s for the day.  She had been surrounded by her family.  But this year, there would be no one to come drag her off to somewhere else.  She’d have to get by on her own. 

While the office was closed for the holiday and the day after, she hadn’t been able to get a flight for a decent fare.  Not that money was an issue these days, but that wasn’t the point. She wasn’t going to spend a ridiculous amount of money to fly across the country for two days.  As much as she loved and missed her family, she just couldn’t bring herself to do that.  So she had arranged to skype with her family Thursday afternoon.  It was the best she could do. Afterward, she’d eat her turkey breast and sweet potatoes and watch a movie.  

Tapping her pencil on the desk she flipped absently through the next novel.  Looking at the stack she wondered if she shouldn’t just add them all to the reject pile.  Dropping her pencil she turned to her computer.  Her concentration was shit today.  She had just opened her gmail when someone tapped on her door. 

“Hey.”

She looked up to find Darcy standing there.  “Hey yourself.  What’s up?”

Darcy sauntered in and dropped down into a chair, sloshing her coffee up to the rim of her mug.  “Nothing.  Just went and got coffee. Thought I’d stop and see what you were working on.”

Stephanie waved at the pile on her desk.  “A whole lot of nothing.  All rejects.”

Darcy eyed the pile.  “All of them?”

Steph nodded.  “Yeah.  I don’t know what’s going on lately.  Nothing good has come across my desk in a week.”

Darcy shrugged.  “Must be the time of year.  So, how was your date Friday night?”

Stephanie nearly laughed.  Talk about not beating around the bush.  “It was fine.”  More than fine, they damn near overheated her hot tub.

Darcy raised one slim, dark eyebrow.  “Just fine?  That’s too bad.”

Stephanie returned the high eyebrow.  “Why is that too bad?”

Darcy grimaced.  “I haven’t gotten any in so long I’m starting to forget what sex is like.  I was hoping you could tell me all about it, help me refresh my memory.”

This time Stephanie did laugh.  “Sorry to disappoint, but even if there had been sex involved Friday night, I don’t kiss and tell.”

Darcy pouted.  “Damn.”  She shrugged, “it was worth a shot.  What are you doing for Thanksgiving?  Going home?”

Stephanie shook her head.  She wished she was.  Maybe she should just bite the bullet and lay out the scary amount of money to fly home.  “No.  I’m going home for Christmas.  I have a date with my family at 1:00 our time to skype with them.  Then I’ll be having my turkey and sweet potatoes and watching football and then Christmas Vacation.”

Darcy set her cup on the edge of Steph’s desk and hurried around it to sit in front of her.  “Oh no, you’re not going to spend Thanksgiving alone.  You’re coming to my house.  You can help me keep my mother off my back about not having a man in my life.”

Stephanie’s head started moving side to side before she even opened her mouth.  “No, I couldn’t intrude on your family time Darcy.  Thanks for asking though.”  She wasn’t sure she could handle being around a family not her own for the holiday, and who knew how much of a mess she would be after talking to her own.  No, it would be better if she just stayed home.

Darcy wasn’t about to be swayed.  “You’re coming.  It’s just me, my brother and the ‘rents.  You’re not intruding.  I invited.”  When Stephanie started to protest again Darcy held up her hand.  “You can just stop talking right now.  You’re not getting out of it.  Dinner is at 5.  You’d better show up or I’ll come to your house and drag you into my car myself.”

Stephanie’s eyes widened at Darcy’s threat and she held up her hands in mock surrender.  Her new friend really didn’t want her to be alone.  “Okay, okay, I’ll come.  What can I bring and if you tell me you’re a Detroit fan, I’m gonna have to hurt you.”

Darcy smiled widely, picked up her coffee mug “can you make an apple pie?  I always have trouble with that.”  She headed to the door and just as she was about to disappear Stephanie heard “Go Dallas” and the click of Darcy’s heels as she walked away.

Chapter Twenty-One

As the morning light seeped across the walls, Richie rolled onto his back, punched the pillow and stared up at the ceiling.  Sleep had not come easy.  Even after tossing one off in the shower he had lain awake most of the night.  He never should have pushed Steph like that and he certainly shouldn’t have kept filling her glass just to see how far she would go if she was drunk enough.

How could this one woman have him so twisted up?

He closed his eyes and there she was, decked out in that modest black bikini.  Sinking further into the memory he could practically feel her under his hands again.  She was soft and real.  Untouched by the California madness that drove perfectly lovely women to inject and inflate themselves needlessly.  Everything about her screamed east coast natural.  That was a look that had always appealed to the jersey boy that lurked inside him.  He even liked that she was a brunette.  He wiggled his fingers, her hair was so silky and soft, he wanted to feel it running through them again.

But it was more than just her physical beauty.  She was strong, stronger than any other woman he had been with lately.  She’d had to be to survive what she’d been through.  And there was that hint of vulnerability that he could see every time he looked at her.  There was just something about her that called to him. 

Sighing, he ran his hands over his face.  There had to be a way to get her past her hang up over her dead husband.  He just couldn’t seem to figure out what that way might be.  And of course, the tour was starting again soon and he’d be leaving next week, not coming back until damn near Christmas.  How would he ever get Steph to let go and move on with him if he wasn’t even here?

He growled in frustration and the pillow under his head flew across the room.   Could the timing suck any more?

Kicking off the blankets he picked up the mangled pillow and tossed it back toward the bed. He should call her, just to make sure she was okay.  He picked up his phone and nearly dropped it when it rang in his hand.  The image that popped up indicated it was Jon.

“Hey man.”

“Hey, I didn’t disturb your beauty sleep did I?”  His friend didn’t sound like his usual chipper self this morning.

“Nah, I’m awake.”  That wasn’t a lie. He had been awake for a while now.

Jon listened to the undertone in his friend’s voice.  Something was bothering him.  Setting aside the real reason for his call he pressed his friend.  “What’s wrong?”

Richie sat down on the edge of the bed.  “Nothing.  What did you need?”

“I’ll get to that as soon as you tell me what’s bothering you.”

Richie shook his head.  Like a dog with a bone his friend was.  “Nothing gets by you does it man?”

Jon chuckled.  “How long have we been friends and you still have to ask me that?”

Richie smiled, it was nice having people care so much about you.  “I started seeing someone.”

Jon eased himself back in his chair, propping his feet up on the desk.  “Really.  Another Hollywood wannabe?  What’s this one look like?”  Knowing his friend like he did, he could probably answer that question himself.

Richie frowned.  Is that what his friends thought, that he only dated bimbos?  “No man, she’s not a wannabe, starlet or otherwise.  She’s a transplant from New York.  And she’s beautiful.”

Startled by his friend’s admission, Jon abruptly sat up.  “You mean she’s normal?  And by beautiful, let me guess… blonde and built?”

Richie nearly sighed.  Leave it to Jon not to mince words.  “Yes, she’s normal. And she’s a brunette with a nice rack.”

Jon pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it.  He was sure he dialed Richie’s number. But that certainly didn’t sound like his friend at the other end of the line.  A brunette?  Since when?  “Rich, man, did I hear you right?  Did you say she’s a brunette?”

“Yeah, I know, different for me, right?  But I,” he paused.  “I don’t know man, there’s just something about her that tugs at me.”

Jon snickered.  “I just bet.”

“It’s not what you think” he said quietly.

Richie’s tone was so serious Jon pulled the phone away from his head and looked at it again. What was going on with his friend?  “You mean you haven’t slept with this woman yet?  You’re losing your touch old man.”

Richie was quiet for a long moment, not sure how much he should say.  

“Rich, man, you still there?”  Jon was starting to worry.  This was so not like Richie. Normally, he couldn’t say enough about the woman he was with.  He liked to extol on their virtues.  But this, Jon couldn’t quite wrap his head around the fact that Richie couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about this mystery woman.

“Yeah man, sorry.  Got a little distracted.  And to answer your question, no, we haven’t slept together yet.  She has some issues she’s working through, so we’re taking things real slow.”  Much to his dismay.

Jon’s eyebrows beetled together.  Issues?  The last thing Rich needed was someone with issues.  He had enough of his own to deal with without taking on someone else’s baggage too.  “Are you sure you’re ready to handle someone with issues?”

Richie nodded as he spoke.  “Yeah, I am.  She’s not a drinker or anything if that’s what you’re thinking.  She’s just been through a lot in a short amount of time and is trying to deal with a loss greater than you would ever want to imagine.”  He still couldn’t fathom going a day without his daughter in his life.

Jon let Richie’s words roll around in his head.  What could this woman have possibly lost to keep her from Rich’s bed?  “Come on man, how bad could it have been for her to resist you, the King of Swing?”  People always thought he was the charming one, but really, it was Richie with his smile, easy demeanor and that damned dimple of his.

Richie stared out the glass door to the balcony.  “She lost her husband and son in one fell swoop.”

Jon’s mouth dropped open.  He hadn’t expected that.  “Tell me.”  He wanted the whole story, not just the bits and pieces Rich was feeding him.

“It’s not my story to tell, but I will say this.  She had been married nearly as long as you and Dot, and her son was Ava’s age.”

Jon was quiet, trying to digest what Richie was saying, trying to imagine his life without Dorothea and his kids.  He shook his head.  He couldn’t do it.

“She’s a good woman, Jon.  Better than any I have met in a long time.  I don’t want to fuck this up, that’s why we’re moving as slow as we are.  She’s not a fling.  She’s a forever.”  A forever?  Richie silently berated himself.  Where the fuck had that come from?

Jon let the fling/forever comment slide for now.  They were terms they had used a million years ago to describe the chicks they’d find backstage.  The forevers were few and far between back then and even then the guys stayed away from them.  None of them had wanted to even think about a forever girl when the flings were lined up around the block it seemed.  Luckily for Jon, his forever had stuck around through the flings and once he smartened up, he forgot about the flings and hung on to his forever with both hands. 

He circled back to the “forever”.  Could this be a good thing?  Was Rich finally taking steps in the right direction, getting his life back on a totally different track from the one he was nearly out of control on?  When Jon finally spoke, he kept his tone light.  He wanted his friend to be happy, that was the bottom line.  “Issues or no, I think I need to meet the woman who could tell you no and still have you mooning over her like this.” 

Richie smiled.  “Eventually man, eventually.”

They ended the call and as Richie was setting his phone back on the night table a tone indicated he had missed a call while he was talking to Jon.  Picking the phone back up he pressed a button and sighed. 

Stephanie had called.

~

Frowning at the phone in her hand, Stephanie inhaled deeply and pressed send.  She had debated with herself for an hour about calling him, but she needed to know.  Waiting, she went over in her head what she was going to say.  When his voicemail came on she swore.  Now she’d have to wait for him to call her back.  Damn it.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, she set her phone on the night table her gaze landed at the bottom shelf of the bookshelf.  Reaching out, her hand came back with the one photo album she had unpacked.  Settling back on the bed, she set the album on her lap and opened the cover.  The spine cracked and her breath caught.  The very first picture was one from their wedding.  She traced the couple’s faces, they had been so young.  Just 21 when they said their I Do’s.  A lifetime ago it seemed.  Sucking in a tremulous breath she turned the page.  Snap shots of their life scattered across the pages.  Parties, outings, get-togethers with friends, with family.  It was all here, a testament to a life full of joy and love and laughter.

Sniffling, she kept turning the pages, her life, their life changing, growing.  His large, strong hand on her belly, swollen with their baby.  Always they were together, the two of them, then three.  After years of trying, they were finally blessed with Ben.  There wouldn’t be any others, but he was enough.  Their sweet, chubby baby boy had blossomed into a tall, lanky, smart-as-a-whip young man.  A young man robbed far too soon of all the wonders life would have held for him. 

Reaching for a tissue, Stephanie mopped her face and turned the last page of the album.  There they were again, the last photo she had of the two of them.  A snap shot from a backyard barbecue.  She traced his face.  “Oh baby, I miss you so much.”  For a long time she stared at their faces, their forever had ended much too soon.

Closing the album, she left it on the bed as she moved to the window.  Staring out into the late morning sky another man’s face swam into her vision.  Her heartache eased as she thought about the handsome guitarist with the warm brown eyes and easy smile.  She wanted him.  Her body had told her that much last night.  But could she let go of Mark and let it happen?

The clouds shifted and A ray of sunshine streamed through the window, bathing her in its light and warmth and then, she knew.  Mark wouldn’t want her to spend the rest of her days alone.  He would want her to be happy and to find someone else to love.

Smiling through her tears she turned and picked up her phone again.