Chapter Five

Stephanie grew quiet, letting their conversation flow around her. How had she not known who was going to be at The Grove today? She had been out of touch for so long that she hadn’t bothered to see what the band was up to these days. She hadn’t bothered with much of anything that would bring her any kind of a smile.

Until now.

She tuned back in to the conversation, their excitement was infectious. “I guess it’s safe to assume that The Grove is an okay place to stop for lunch then?”

She got three excited yeses in response. Laughing she took the next exit and listened to GPS Jack direct her to her destination.

Turning on to The Grove Drive Stephanie made the quick decision to use the valet. The garage with its digital signs indicated that there were maybe five parking spots available. She didn’t want to be driving around in circles for an hour in the hopes of snagging a spot. Pulling up to The Circle the girls got out and Stephanie watched wistfully as her car was driven away.

Hath moved up next to her. “They’ll take care of her.”

Stephanie nodded. “They’d better.” Then she smiled. “Come on girls, let’s go to The Farm and get something to eat.”

“The Farm?” She got three speculative glances.

She rolled her eyes to the sky. “Yes ladies, The Farm. I checked it out online. It’s right next to The Farmer’s Market and they use fresh and home grown everything. I thought it sounded good. Come on, we’ll go look and if you want to go somewhere else, we can.”

~

The giggling chatter of the four women had him glancing up. He and Nikki had finished their Extra interview and now he was with two of his favorite ladies. He was tucked away at a table in the corner with his mother and grandmother enjoying a quiet late lunch when the undeniable female sound grabbed his attention. The four women made a pretty picture walking through the restaurant.

The tall brunette led the way, a pretty redhead, a cute blonde and a shorter, slender brunette followed their leader to a table in the opposite corner. He had to smile as they sat, perusing their menus, never letting a lull fall in their conversation. He understood friendship like that. He’d had it with three other men for the last 27 years.

The shorter of the two brunettes sat facing him, but not seeing him. Not yet anyway. He watched as she pushed her sunglasses up, pushing back the fall of dark curls. She had a pretty, fresh face but he was intrigued more by the smile on her lips that was in complete contrast to the sadness he could see around her eyes. He knew that look. He’d seen it reflected back at him in his own mirror many a time. Trying to maintain a happy facade while whatever had put the sadness in her eyes struggled to remain buried.

Who was this woman? She didn’t look Hollywood. He scanned the three other women. None of them did.

~

The girls chatted away, not noticing that they were being watched. “It’s too bad we missed Extra. How cool would it have been to accidentally on purpose run into HIM?” Hath and Catte voiced their disappointment.

Stephanie nodded and looked up, catching the eyes of the man across the room. He was staring right at her and her grip on Hath’s arm tightened. A strangled “oh my God” was all she could manage.

“What?” Hath hadn’t seen him yet, didn’t understand the bruising grip.

Stephanie gave a slight nod of her head. “Look.”

Hath turned her head and whipped it back. “Holy Shit!”

Catte and Willow looked. “Oh my God!”

“Shhhh!!” Stephanie lowered her head. “We don’t want to scare the man.”

The girls chatter grew louder as they wondered they should approach him or if they should try to covertly get a picture with their phones.

Stephanie risked a glance across the room. What was he doing here? Why was he staring at them? His eyes met hers and he winked at her. Her heart thudded in her chest and she averted her gaze. Why was he watching her?

Their waitress came then, distracting the girls and taking their order, making the decision to do nothing for them. When she left them Stephanie looked back across the room. The table was empty. Her eyes flitted to the door, it was just swinging shut. He had left before any one of them had even the slightest chance of getting out of their chair. She relaxed back in her chair. It was just as well, making an ass of herself was not on the agenda for the day.

The girls enjoyed their late lunch and after paying their bill, headed back to the Valet Circle. They were ready to get to Stephanie’s and just hang out and have a margarita and listen to some music. Just chill and finish catching up.

They weren’t the only ones waiting for a car when they got there. As Stephanie handed to her ticket to the young man Willow gripped her arm. “Oh my God, there he is again!”

The girls looked up. He was helping his mother and grandmother up into the giant black hummer he was so fond of. What were the odds of running into him twice in one day?

Hath looked at the group. “Oh hell, I’ve got to say something.” She raised her hand and waved. “Hi!”

Closing the door he smiled, his dimple flashing. He waggled his fingers in their direction. “Hey.”

Hath grabbed Catte and Willow. “Come on.” Catte reached for Stephanie, “you’re coming too.” Just then the valet came with her car and she pulled her hand back.

“You go, my car’s here.” She watched and smiled as they took turns getting a picture and a little conversation. She was happy for her friends. This was something they had all talked about, hoped would happen one day.

Richie had been more than happy to pose for pictures, but was surprised that the other brunette didn’t join her friends. From the short time watching her in the restaurant he had seen the fan in her. Now he saw the reluctance to approach him. “What about your friend with the hot car?” The Camaro was sweet, and not at all what he would have expected the pretty little brunette to drive.

Catte looked over at her. “Steph, get your ass over here!”

She shook her head. She just couldn’t make herself walk over there.

Hath walked over and took her hand. “Come on, when are you ever going to get a chance like this again?”

Taking a breath she slipped her sunglasses on again and walked over to where they were standing. Richie put on his best smile. “I don’t bite darlin’.”

She found a smile for him. “Really? That’s too bad.” She felt her face heat and she clamped her mouth shut. Where the hell had that come from?

He laughed as she turned several shades of red. “Oh I think I like you already sweetheart.”

Chapter 4

Richie quietly slipped out of bed and through the sliding door onto the balcony.  Leaning on the railing he studied the glass-like surface of the pool below.  He looked over his shoulder and back to the woman who was still asleep in his bed.  What the hell was wrong with him?  What had he been thinking getting involved with her?   

Straightening he rolled his shoulders and stretched.  She damn near killed him last night, even with that stupid little blue pill he had popped.  He shook his head in disgust.  Designing clothes and making music with her was one thing, but this, he was going to have to put an end to it. 

A grim smile crept along his lips.  Thank God the press hadn’t gotten wind of their tryst.  They had actually seemed to believe the lie that they were only working together.  He shrugged and sat in one of the heavily cushioned chairs.  It didn’t really matter.  They had the thing at The Grove for Extra this afternoon and then he would tell her.  She would understand.  He hoped.  He’d hate to ruin their working relationship, but he just couldn’t do this anymore.

He sighed and lay his head back against the cushion.  He needed someone more his own age; someone who maybe wasn’t in the business.  He wanted what he used to have with Heather a million years ago when they first got together.  Long talks, quiet dinners, cuddling on the couch to watch a movie.  He bit back a laugh.  Damn he must be getting old if his idea of a good time is a cuddle on the couch.  Used to be a good time was going out until all hours, drinking himself into a good buzz and finding the prettiest girl at the bar and sweet talking her into his bed.  He shook his head, those were the days.

He looked back into his room again.  Yeah, he wasn’t 25 anymore.  As difficult as it was for him to admit, he just couldn’t keep up with that crowd.  And, if he was being honest, he didn’t really want to. 

Standing, he stretched once more and headed back into his room.  There had to be a woman out there who wanted what he wanted, right?  He’d find her and maybe he’d start to feel settled again.  He strode to the bathroom.  Being single in his fifties had never been in his life plan.  He was managing, but he wanted more than that.  He wanted companionship, he wanted a partner, someone to share the day-in and day-out with, someone to grow old with.  He spit toothpaste into the sink.  He wanted what Jon had, what Tico and David had managed to find for a second time.

He wiped his face and studied himself in the mirror.  The girl in his bed was a nice distraction, but, ultimately, she was not the answer.  There was someone out there for him, he was sure of it. 

All he had to do was find her.

~

Sipping her tea, Stephanie paced the deck, the redwood warm under the toes from the sun.  She paced back to her chair and sat, plunking the laptop in her lap.  Checking her e-mail she nearly got up and danced around.  Her friends were in the air.  Their plane would be landing around 2 p.m. local time.   She glanced at the time down in the right hand corner of the computer screen.  It was a half hour to the airport she had time for a quick run through of the house and a shower. 

Gathering her things she scurried into the house.  Her kitchen was in order, the family room was clean.  She put her mug in the dishwasher and her laptop in her office.  That was one room she had yet to tackle, but at least you could walk in there and actually sit at the desk.  She’d get to it.  Eventually.  When it wasn’t so hard to go through his things.  She stepped back, into the hallway.  She wasn’t going to do this now.  She didn’t want to greet her friends with tears. 

She headed for the stairs.  Today was a day for smiles.

As she showered and dressed, she found her smile.  It widened when she got into her car and slid her sunglasses on.  It grew broader the farther along she got on the 110, the closer she got to the airport. 

Listening to GPS Jack she made her turn off and maneuvered her car around and into a parking spot.  They’d have a late lunch on the way back to her house.  Smoothing her shirt down, she stepped through the automatic door and headed to the security area.  They were bound to have questions.  She checked the arrivals board, their plane was at the gate.  She’d answer them as best she could.  She looked down the hallway, and finally, there they were.  A tall brunette, a pretty blonde and a fiery redhead. 

She grinned, still unable to believe that Hath had gotten on a plane for her.  She raised her hand to wave and in a heartbeat was surrounded by the three women.  Hugs and kisses, squeals of pleasure and laughter rang around them.  It had been more than a year since they had last been together.  But this time was a happy time. 

“Oh my God.  I can’t believe you’re all really here!”  They walked and talked all the way to the baggage claim.  “And you” she turned to Hath and grabbed her hand.  “You got on a plane and flew across the country for me.”  She hugged her tight.  “Thank you.”

“I’d do anything for my girls.  Even fly.  I did take half a Xanax, so there’s no telling what I might say or do.”

Waiting for the luggage to come down the chute Willow rested her head on Stephanie’s shoulder. “You’re so skinny now.  Where’s the rest of you?”

Stephanie rested her head against Willow’s.  “I left her in New York.”

An arm snaked around her waist.  “Are you doing okay out here?” 

She put her arm around Cate.  “So far.  It’s a little lonely, but once I start my job I’m sure I’ll make some friends.”

She didn’t want to do this here.  They could talk about all that later.  Straightening she hugged both girls and pasted on a smile.  Just then the luggage started making its way around on the belt.  She stepped forward and turned to face the girls.  “Let’s get your stuff and get out of here.  You guys have got to see my car.”

The girls stopped short when Stephanie unlocked the car.  “This is your car?” 

She nodded, “yep.  Like it?”

Cate ran her hand over the back quarter panel.  “She’s a beauty.” 

Hath got in the front seat.  “This was your 40^th birthday car, right?”

“Yeah.  Mark and I finished her up right before-”.  She trailed off.  “Before.”

The girls all nodded.  “You guys did a great job.  And it’s the perfect car for California.”

Stephanie caught Willow’s eye in the rearview window.  “Thanks.”  She turned the key and the car roared to life.  “You guys hungry?  Wanna get some lunch?”

Three heads nodded.  “Sure.  What’s good around here?”

Stephanie smiled and headed to the exit.  “I thought, since we have to drive through LA, we’d stop at The Grove.  There’s a ton of restaurants to pick from.”

Hath’s eyes widened.  “You know who’s going to be there today, right?”

Stephanie shook her head.  She had no idea.  “Who?”

Thee mouths gaped open.  “Haven’t you been keeping up to date with stuff?”  Hath was shaking her head in disbelief.

“I’m so far behind I don’t think I’ll ever catch up.  Why?  What’s going on?”

A chorus of oh my god’s came at her.  “Richie is going to be there today!”

Chapter Three

Sitting on the deck with the morning sunshine raining down on her, Stephanie sipped at her tea and booted up her laptop.

To:     The Girls
From: Q
Re:     Hi

So, I’m all settled.  It’s so quiet.  Almost too quiet actually.  I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that.  But, I’m trying.

The sun is shining today and I managed to find the grocery store without getting lost.  A feat in and of itself that was.  :P

Y’all need to come and visit.  California, from what I’ve seen so far, is nowhere near what HRH makes it out to be.  But then again, I haven’t ventured to Hollywood yet.

My guest room is ready and waiting.  J

Q

Gathering her things she wandered back in the house.  Today was shopping day.  Stephanie had been through her closet and found one pair of jeans that fit.  Sort of.  If she wore a belt and had it on the last hole they didn’t threaten to leave her indecently exposed if she coughed.  What had happened to her?  She studied the woman in the mirror.   

She had always been a curvier sort.  Full figured she guessed some would say.  Her jean size always hovered between a 12 and 14, much to her dismay.  There had been a few thin years though, right after she’d had her son, when she could get herself into a size 8 with no trouble.  Then she’d turned 35.  All of a sudden the weight started creeping back on.  But now, she looked down at herself, it was all gone again.  She palmed her breasts and lifted slightly.  Even her boobs were disappearing. 

She sighed and dragged on her robe. She was going to have to start from the skin and work her way out today.  A whole new wardrobe from bras to boots was the order of the day. 

Risking a glance in the mirror she frowned at herself.  She really had let everything go.  Her brows were in dire need of a good plucking and her hair was a disaster.  She sighed.  She couldn’t let her friends see her like this.  She’d scare them right back to the east coast. She’d have to add a trip to the salon to her list as well.  If she could find one.  She rolled her eyes at that thought.  Her GPS was certainly going to get a work out today.

After a quick shower she hopped in her car, put the top down and headed into metropolitan, downtown Burbank.  In his Australian accent her GPS directed her to turn left on West Magnolia Boulevard and her destination would be on the right.  

Slowing to a stop she glanced up at the building and then frowned at her GPS.  “Really Jack, this is where you want me to go?”  She looked back up at the pink and black sign.  Frenchy’s Beauty Parlor it read.  “Sounds like it came straight out of Grease” she mumbled as she parked the car and put the top up.

Stepping through the door she felt as though she had stepped back in time to the 1950s. Pink, black and chrome greeted her from every surface.  The black and white tile floor gleamed in the fluorescent light and the receptionist snapped her gum with a smile.  “Can I help ya?”

Stephanie looked around once more and decided that as long as she didn’t end up looking like an Easter egg, why not.  She glanced at the girl’s name tag.  “Sally, I was just wondering if I could make an appointment.”

Sally checked her book.  “It just so happens that we had a cancellation this morning.”  She held up her finger, “just a sec.”  She walked over to talk with one of the girls and then came back to where Stephanie was standing.  “Rosie will be right with ya.  Just have a seat.”

Stephanie smiled at the girl.  “Thanks.”

Three hours and three hundred dollars later, Stephanie had a new haircut, fresh color, waxed brows and a bag full of “must have” beauty products.

Settling behind the wheel she debated about putting the top down.  She had just had her hair done after all, but the pull of the sunshine and warm air was too strong.  As the top folded back, the sun glinted off the ring on the middle finger of her left hand.  Garnets and aquamarines circled her finger.  Her birthstone and his.  His gift to her for their twentieth wedding anniversary.  She had finally put away her wedding rings before she moved, but this ring she just couldn’t take off.  It was the last sparkly gift he had ever given her. 

Raising her right hand she studied the purple stone there.  Her baby’s birthstone.  Mark had given it to her for her birthday, just a few days before their son had been born.  She had worn it ever since. 

Slipping on her sunglasses she looked up to the blindingly blue sky.  Were they looking down on her, watching over her?  Were they all right with the choices and changes she had made?  The light breeze ruffled her hair and the kiss of sunshine caressed her face.  That had to be a sign, didn’t it?  She and Mark had had the “what would you do if” conversation numerous times, but never once did it include moving across the country away from everything and everyone they knew.   But it didn’t feel wrong. 

She cranked the car over and slipped it into drive.  It felt right.

~

The Burbank Town Center was just a few minutes away from the salon on East Magnolia and she found a parking spot just outside of Old Navy.  It was as good a place as any to start.  Her phone beeped as she was shuffling through a pile of jeans.  Pulling the ‘berry from her purse she smiled when she saw the text.  Catte and Willow were working on Hath.  Her smile grew to a grin.  They were coming for a visit.

Dropping the jeans she hastily pecked out a reply. 

[1:15 PM]  OMG, I can’t believe it!  When?

She had just made it to the dressing room when her phone beeped again.

[1:30 PM]  Two weeks, just for the weekend.  A long one, Thurs-Mon.  Okay?

She nearly danced a jig.

[1:40 PM]  Perfect!  I can’t wait!!

Letting out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a scream she tried on the first of three pairs of jeans. 

“Everything okay in there?”  The clerk sounded concerned.

Stephanie poked her head out the door, “yeah, just got some good news.”

The salesgirl nodded her head and went back to folding. 

Chapter Two

Three thousand miles from everyone she knew and everything familiar, she stood in the unfamiliar driveway of her new home. With her suitcases surrounding her, she looked up at the little house she had rented. It was a quaint little bungalow tucked in amongst the multi-million dollar homes that lined the street. Her realtor friend in Phoenix had directed her to a reputable company here in Burbank and the woman, Jane, had led her here.

She had rented it sight unseen and she wasn’t disappointed. It had a wide front porch, perfect for a couple of chairs or maybe a swing. Flowers bloomed in the boxes hanging from the front windows and the lawn was as lush as a carpet.

Dragging her suitcases behind her she ambled up the walk and pushed through the front door. Leaving her bags by the stairs she followed the wood floor that wove through the entire downstairs. The small front room would work well as an office, there was a tiny powder room tucked in under the stairs, then the hallway opened up to an airy, open kitchen and sunken family room. Crossing to the French doors she stepped out onto a wide deck.

The backyard was as well manicured as the front, and the large trees would provide ample shade in the heat of the summer. The far corner held a fire pit and there was room for a barbecue or grill. At the other end, at the bottom of the three steps, was a hot tub.

Heading back into the kitchen she walked around the downstairs once more, mentally placing her furniture in each room. She sucked in a tremulous breath. It was the house they had always wanted, but hadn’t ever found back home.

Shaking off the pang of sadness, she headed to the stairs, grabbed a suitcase and started up to the second floor. It was the perfect place to get a start on her new life. There would be no memories to haunt her here. A fresh start, a new beginning might not be what she wanted, but it was what she needed to start living again.

Sighing she stepped into the first room at the top of the stairs. It was the perfect size for a small gym. Her treadmill would go over by the window, her weight bench against the far wall. She looked down at herself. The weight had fallen off of her so fast in the last year she hadn’t been able to tone any part of herself. Honestly, she hadn’t been compelled to do anything about it. She headed to the door. What was the point anyway? She certainly wasn’t going to be dipping into the dating pool again so what difference did it make what she looked like? She hiked up her jeans. Maybe she would take a trip to the mall at least. Jeans that fit would be nice.

She wandered into the next room. It was good sized and would serve nicely as a guest room. Standing in the middle of the room she let a smile curl her lips. She hoped her friends would come visit her out here. She knew it would take nothing short of a miracle to get Hath on a plane, but maybe, just maybe she could be convinced. Surely Willow and Catte could convince her. She tapped a finger against her lips, she’d have to send the girls another e-mail and set things in motion.

The last room at the end of the all she assumed was the master bedroom. It was enormous and she was immediately drawn to the bow window and the seat that was beckoning. Sinking down onto the seat she rested her forehead against the cool window pane. Would this ever get easier? Would she ever not miss them quite so much?

The sound of the doorbell startled her. Dragging herself up from the bench she scrubbed her hand over her face and headed downstairs.

It was hours later before she sat down again. Her furniture had been arrived and the movers helped her get everything where she wanted it. For now. Standing in the middle of the family room she shoved at her sofa. She wanted it closer to the wall and the oversized chair needed to be angled slightly.

The afternoon waned as she made all her minor adjustments and finally sat down on one of the stools in the kitchen. Her stomach rumbled loudly reminding her that she hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Glancing at the refrigerator she sighed. She would have to find a grocery store. There was nothing but a bottle of water in the fridge.

Heading up the stairs she glanced into the room that was now her gym. Tomorrow she would start some sort of routine she promised herself. She pulled her shirt over her head and padded down the hall, right now she needed a shower and some food. For the first time in a long time she was actually hungry.

Climbing into her car she turned the key and it roared to life. She stroked her hand across the dash. This was her baby. Her and Mark had bought the car for their 40th birthdays for a song. Her husband had been a tinkerer and between answering her questions and showing her how to do this or that, they had managed to restore her to her former glory, with two modifications.  She now sported XM/Sirius Satellite radio and a GPS.  While Mark had a better sense of direction than anyone she had ever met, Stephanie couldn't find her way out of a paper bag with a map and a flashlight.  

The 1967 madeira maroon Camaro SS convertible had been their pride and joy. Now it was just hers.

Hitting a button, the top slowly folded back and stowed out of the way. A turn of a dial and the New Jersey boys who had kept her sane for all these months had her singing along. With the warm California air swirling around her she dropped the car into reverse and backed out of the driveway. There had to be a grocery store somewhere close by. She was sure she had seen one on her way to the house that morning. Now, she just had to find it again.

Chapter One

Standing at the door, she rested one hand on the knob, the fingers of her free hand inching toward the curled edge of the football schedule that was still tacked in place. The New York Giants had won the Superbowl that year and he hadn’t ever taken the schedule down. He had been so proud of his team that year he had even managed to drag her into his excitement. That his birthday had landed on that same day had made it all that much more enjoyable for him.

She sighed, rolling her forehead against the door frame as she let her fingers wander down to the bumper sticker he had stuck on the door too. Baseball, his other love. They had made it a point to go to as many home games as they could during the season. Even when their hometown team wasn’t doing well, when it was hotter than hell at six in the evening, they trekked to the stadium to watch the games. She went for him. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t have done for him.

Slowly she pushed the door open. She hadn’t set foot in this room in a year. It still smelled faintly of him. She wandered it with her eyes, letting her gaze slowly roam over every inch. Trying not to remember. She closed her eyes against the rush of tears. Trying harder not to forget.

He had helped her paint the room the two shades of green. His favorite color. She had allowed him to decorate the walls however he chose. The New York Giants adorned three of the walls. The New York Yankees took up the fourth. He may have looked like her, but in every other way that mattered, he was his father incarnate.

She dragged the boxes in and took another look around. It was time. The “For Sale” sign was going up in a few days and she needed to get the house ready, even if she herself wasn’t quite there yet. Starting at the bookshelf she boxed up Dr. Seuss, Harry Potter, the Magic Tree House. She would donate them all to the library. Someone else would get the same enjoyment out of them as her son had she was sure. Her hand stopped on the last book on the bottom shelf. It had been his favorite when he had been little. She had read about the boats nearly every night for a year. She set that one aside. She just couldn’t part with that one.

Working tirelessly, with the music that both soothed and encouraged her playing in the background, she boxed and bagged the entire room; clothes would go to goodwill, games too. The garbage would go to the curb and the bed would be sold with the house. She would never be able to get the metal bunk taken apart and she had no use for it now anyway. Sitting on the edge of the bed she took another look around. The walls were bare now, waiting to be washed. The dresser top was empty, in need of a good dusting. The globe was going with her and the desk would stay. It was just an empty room now. Like her own nearly was.

Absently she picked up the lone stuffed animal that lay on the bed. Looking down at it she stroked the worn, well-loved bunny as the tears rolled silently down her cheeks. She missed them so much. Losing them both had been beyond devastating.

She stood, her jeans bagged around her hips. Tugging them up, she dug in a pocket for a tissue and wiped her face. She had to have cried herself a river in the last year. She looked around the room one last time. She would always miss them. Her heart would never be quite whole again without them, but she had to do this. Her family, friends and even her therapist had told her she needed to start living again. Just merely existing wasn’t doing her any good.

But none of them understood. The fog she had lived in for the last year was the only way she could deal with the loss. The man she had loved for more than half her life and the child they had made together had been taken from her, ripped from her life so carelessly that she nearly hadn’t survived it. Yet here she was, a year later finally emerging from the haze of grief that had been her security blanket for so many days and nights.

Adding bunny to the small pile of keeps she dragged the garbage down the stairs and out the front door. The nights were the worst. Lying in their bed, his side always empty, yet his scent clung to his pillow, their quilt, the air. She hadn’t slept that first week. Finally out of sheer exhaustion she had changed the sheets, bagging them up, not able to bring herself to wash them for fear of losing that tiny bit of him he had left behind, but needing to be rid of that smell so she could find a few hours of escape in the oblivion of sleep. Even now she only managed a few restless hours a night, still not able to find comfort in their bed without him.

Sighing she climbed the stairs once more, this time she stepped into her own room. Her reflection in the wide mirror on her dresser had her pausing. Was that really her? Where was the rest of her? The woman staring back at her was just a shadow of who she had once been.

Her face was gaunt, her eyes held on to the eternal sadness that had been there since the day she had gotten the god awful news. Her hair was haphazardly pulled into a ponytail and it hung in limp strands down her back. Her jeans were at least two sizes too big and her collarbones protruded almost grotesquely. She turned away, not wanting to acknowledge the broken shell she had become, able to deal only with the task at hand for now. She would worry about herself later.

Her room was nearly empty, the bed and dressers were all that remained and again, she was going to sell them with the house. She had cleared out nearly everything, donating and giving away all of her husband’s things, keeping only his coveted Yankee’s jersey and his favorite Dallas Cowboys jersey for herself. One she wore on game day, the other she slept in. Just to keep him close for a while longer.

She wandered back downstairs, the music that filtered through was a quiet comfort. She hardly ever watched the television these days, preferring her music instead. As much as her husband and son had given her grief about the band and music she loved, she knew they didn’t really mind. It was the only hobby she had and, if she was being honest, her husband indulged her obsession more than he probably should have. It was just one of the many things she had loved about him.

Booting up her laptop she opened her e-mail and found what she had been waiting for. She had gotten the job she had applied for and interviewed over the phone for. Even if the house didn’t sell right away, she was leaving. For California. She would be starting work as a slush reader at International Creative Management in Los Angeles in just 3 weeks. She smiled, the action felt almost foreign to her. She would be reading for a living.

She wanted to share her news, but who could she tell? She looked down at the screen, would her friends still remember her? It had been so long since she had made any kind of contact with any of them. They had done their best to be there for her, even making the trip from here, there and everywhere to be with her for the funeral and for a few days after. But, eventually they all had to get back to their own lives. And, slowly, she had stopped reading and answering the e-mails, stopped posting to her blog, just stopped. Now though, maybe it was time to start again. Taking a deep breath, she clicked compose.

To: The Girls

From: Q

Re: Hi

Hey girls, it’s me. I hope you haven’t forgotten me. Goodness knows I haven’t forgotten any of you. I just wanted you all to know that I’m still here, still alive and, finally, moving on.

I cleaned out Little Man’s room today. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I got through it. The house goes up for sale in just a few days and I start a new job in 3 weeks.

I’ll be leaving for California as soon as I can get myself together. I just wanted you all to know.

I miss you all.

Q

Pulling the door shut, she turned, looking at the house that had been her home for nearly 20 years. So many memories, years and miles of them were wrapped up in that house. Soon though, it would belong to someone else. New memories would be made here. Happy ones she hoped.

An arm snaked around her waist. Her sister was there to take her to the airport, to say goodbye. “Are you sure about this?”

Stephanie nodded as she turned her head. Her sister’s face was a mask of sadness. The loss of her husband and son had not only affected her. Her family had lost a son, son-in-law, brother, brother-in-law; grandson and nephew. The loss had resonated through all of them, and still echoed with her. “Yeah Jess. I have to.” As hard as this was, if she didn’t go, she was afraid she would continue to just merely exist, not really live.

Jess tightened her hold, “I’ll miss you. You’ll call me, right?”

Stephanie nodded, “I promise. You know I need to go, right?”

Jess took one of the suitcases. “I do. I don’t have to like it though.”

Together they slammed the hatch and walked around to their respective doors. “You can always come visit you know.”

Jess climbed behind the wheel. “Count on it.”